"King of the Hill" Witches of East Arlen (TV Episode 2003) - Mike Judge as Hank Hill, Boomhauer

[Hank notices the price sticker on Bobby's "Magick" book]

Hank Hill : Forty-five dollars! The family Bible cost less than that, and it was written by Jesus!
Hank Hill : You're Ward Rackley?

Ward Rackley : It's one of my many monikers, yes. I am also known as Manolgar of the North Woods, and in certain circles, Austin Aussman Straklabartar.

Hank Hill : How old are you? 30? 40?

Ward Rackley : Not even close. I am 5000.

Hank Hill : Don't you have any friends your own age? Someone to drink with? Maybe a girlfriend?

Ward Rackley : And waste my seed on a common harlot? Not likely. When the time is right, a maiden will be delivered up to me. Probably from the East.

Hank Hill : Some of this isn't your fault. I mean, a man can only take so many wedgies before he goes to pieces.
Hank Hill : Okay, we tried it your way. Now we're doin' it my way. This is a carburetor. Take it apart, put it back together, repeat until you're normal.

Bobby Hill : But Dad, the dark arts are nothin' to be afraid of.

Hank Hill : I'm not afraid of that garbage. I'm afraid of you gettin' your ass kicked every day for the rest of your life because you found a new way to act like a nerd.
Hank Hill : Ah, the flea market. It's like America's garage.

Mike Judge: Hank Hill, Boomhauer