- Capt. Frank McNeil: When I was in school my grandmother died six times; always during the World Series.
- Lt. Theo Kojak: Oh yeah? We all had the same grandmother.
- Det. Bobby Crocker: Hey, what's with the lollypops?
- Lt. Theo Kojak: I'm looking to close the generation gap. Get outa here!
- Lt. Theo Kojak: It's coming off tonight.
- Det. Bobby Crocker: What is?
- Lt. Theo Kojak: Eh... Pick a card, any card.
- Lt. Theo Kojak: For your information, sonny boy, most Americans don't have a yellow sheet.
- Det. Bobby Crocker: Thank you, would you keep reminding me, Lieutenant, it's my only hook into reality.
- Lt. Theo Kojak: I give you this week's mystery map. You solve the riddle, you win a two-week trip to, eh, well, where do you wanna go?
- Capt. Frank McNeil: Home!
- Lt. Theo Kojak: Hm-hm. Why do I always yawn on Saturdays?