L.A. Law (TV Series)

Hand Roll Express (1988)

Jill Eikenberry: Ann Kelsey

Quotes 

• Abby Perkins : I think this is gonna be around us.

  Ann Kelsey : Absolutely not. Prosecution goes upstream, not downstream.

  Abby Perkins : That's true. The U.S. Attorney's only interested in Roxanne in order to get to Jimmy.

  Ann Kelsey : This whole thing will blow over once they're done with him.

  Abby Perkins : I think you're right.

  Ann Kelsey : By the way, have you said anything to anybody?

  Abby Perkins : No.

  Ann Kelsey : Good.

  [Ann heading to Ladies' room] 

• Ann Kelsey : Come here.

  [Roxanne sobbing in pain and was comforted by Ann Kelsey] 

  Roxanne Melman : Thank you. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm sorry.

  [Roxanne is looking at herself in the mirror. So does Ann] 

  Ann Kelsey : Just so you know, when the suggestion was made to fire you, Arnie said, "If she goes, I go."

  Roxanne Melman : Oh, yeah. He just wants to keep me around so he can rub my nose in it.

  Ann Kelsey : I think he wants to keep you around because he needs you and values you. Look, Roxanne, tell me to shut up if it's none of my business, but the fact is you brought this on yourself. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, it doesn't mean you're a criminal. But I think all of us are gonna have to accept the consequences for what we did.

  Roxanne Melman : I lost my boyfriend. I'm broke. I used my old car as a down payment on my new car. So now I don't have any car at all. Why am I the only one taking the consequences? Why not you or Abby? Or... or Elizabeth? You all profited from Jimmy's tips as much as I did. So what's your consequences?

  Ann Kelsey : I'm not sure, but like it or not I think I'm gonna have to find out. Roxanne, I'm sorry for your pain. Maybe self-interest blinded me from the risks you were taking.

  [Ann blames Roxanne for what she's done for insider trading] 

  Roxanne Melman : No. It's not your fault. Or anybody else's.

  [Ann should forget an apology. Ann Kelsey should leave Roxanne alone in the Ladies' room] 

• Stuart Markowitz : When he realizes that it totally skews the market.

  [to the waiter] 

  Stuart Markowitz : Yeah, just a little bit on the salad. People are invited to invest their money and publicly held corporation as though they had a fair shot. What they're getting here is a rigged deck.

  Ann Kelsey : That seems to me the deck was rigged long before insider trading.

  Stuart Markowitz : What?

  Ann Kelsey : Big investment bankers aren't business to give Johnny small-time a fair shot.

  Stuart Markowitz : There's a big difference between having an edge because you're smarter and having an edge because you're a criminal.

  Ann Kelsey : Stuart, I have a confession to make. The watch I gave you, I bought it with money I made from one of Roxanne's stock tips.

  Stuart Markowitz : This watch? My watch?

  Ann Kelsey : Yeah.

  Stuart Markowitz : [Stuart looking weird at the restaurant]  Ann, how could - Oh!

  Ann Kelsey : Stuart, it doesn't change the fact that it was an expression of my love for you.

  Stuart Markowitz : [Putting down his fork]  I don't understand, how could you do something like this? Maybe you can say that Roxanne didn't know that the tips were illegal, but you're a lawyer. She's getting them from an arbitrageur. They're always right. At some point, don't you put two and two together?

  Ann Kelsey : I just didn't stop to analyze it quite that thoroughly, Stuart.

  Stuart Markowitz : Well, maybe you should have.

  Ann Kelsey : Maybe I should have. But since I didn't, can't you accept the watch in the spirit in which it was given?

  Stuart Markowitz : I don't know.

  [Stuart looking up time] 

  Stuart Markowitz : I love this watch. But I hate the idea that every time I look at the time, I'm going to think of it is - I don't know, ill-gotten gains or something.

  Ann Kelsey : Stuart, the watch is bought and paid for. What do you want me to do? Hock it and give money to charity? Would that make you feel better?

  Stuart Markowitz : I don't know.

• Ann Kelsey : Stuart, don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit?

  Stuart Markowitz : How would you feel if I told you your diamond engagement ring was bought with stolen money?

  Ann Kelsey : It's not the same thing.

  Stuart Markowitz : How is it different, Ann?

  Ann Kelsey : I don't know.

  Stuart Markowitz : I just wish we could purge ourselves of this something.

  Robert Alden : [the Yuppie Bandit approaches]  Excuse me. Have you got the time?

  Stuart Markowitz : Yeah. It's 10:30.

  Robert Alden : Oh, nice watch.

  Stuart Markowitz : Thanks.

  Robert Alden : Can I have it?

  Stuart Markowitz : What?

  Robert Alden : [Pointing the gun]  It's stick-up time.

  Ann Kelsey : Stuart.

• [last lines] 

  Robert Alden : Hand it over. Watch, rings, money, come on.

  [Stuart hand over his Rolex Watch and his ring] 

  Robert Alden : You, too, Miss.

  Stuart Markowitz : Do as he says, Ann.

  [Ann handing in her purse, her diamond ring, but keep her wedding ring] 

  Ann Kelsey : Can I keep my wedding ring?

  Robert Alden : Well, in consideration of the watch and the diamond ring, what the hell. Okay.

  [Ann put her wedding ring back in her finger] 

  Robert Alden : Hey, aren't you going to say thank you?

  Ann Kelsey : Thank you.

  Robert Alden : Okay. Attorneys, right? Well, you folks have a nice evening.

  [a car approaches with tires screeching and the yuppie bandit heads to the getaway car and gets away. Ann Kelsey and Stuart Markowitz are beside themselves having been mugged. Two of them having been robbed in the evening] 

  Ann Kelsey : You wanted a purge? You got a purge.

  Stuart Markowitz : Purge? I just purged my shorts.