L.A. Law (TV Series)

Something Old, Something Nude (1991)

Richard Dysart: Leland McKenzie

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Leland, we have to face reality. When Victor and Michael left the firm, litigation fell off. When Jack Sollers went, it nose-dived. Now Abby's leaving and taking more business with her.

  Leland McKenzie : All right. The financial situation is serious, but it's not critical.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : I disagree. In the past three months, we've lost four major corporate clients including Tammon Group. The bank is so nervous that they're reviewing our line of credit.

  Leland McKenzie : Oh, that's ridiculous. They're overreacting.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : It gets worse. I got a letter this morning from Perry Littlefield, the agent from our insurance company. Because of the Rosalind Shays' lawsuit and claim from last year, Ballantine is doubling our liability premium. And because of Ann Kelsey's suspension, malpractice is going up to half a million.

  Leland McKenzie : Over my dead body! We'll take our business elsewhere. I'll make a loan myself if I have to.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : You can't keep propping up the firm with Rosalind's money. We have to consider alternatives.

  Leland McKenzie : I already told you, I will not consider renting office space to Susan Bloom.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : [speaking quietly]  Her practice is phenomenal. She represents half of Hollywood and she's willing to pay top dollar.

  Leland McKenzie : They call her "Jaws", Douglas.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : [almost whispering]  A rumor. Printed in the same tabloid rag that called me a bald bore last year while I was dating Vanna White.

  Leland McKenzie : Susan Bloom is everything I hate about entertainment law - cheap, phony, utterly devoid of ethics.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Shh!

  [Douglas really whispering] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : You don't even know her. She's dynamic, she's... she's cutting edge, she's a litigator anyone would be proud to share space with.

  Leland McKenzie : Why are you whispering, Douglas?

  [Douglas turns back over there, there's someone there at Douglas' office. Douglas whispering] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : She's in my office. She's taken the trouble to stop by here while on her way to a very important film screening for one her clients in Hollywood.

  Leland McKenzie : Bloom is here? Now?

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Just meet her. That's all I ask.

• [All filing in or getting coffee, including Castroverti minus Becker and Markowitz. C.J. passes Kelsey returning to the firm for the first time since her suspension at the end of the previous season; Kelsey's hair is now dyed dark red] 

  Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb : Great hair.

  Ann Kelsey : Thanks.

  Leland McKenzie : Before we start, I have an announcement. For those of you who don't know, Abigail Perkins is no longer with the firm.

  Ann Kelsey : What?

  Jonathan Rollins : You're kidding.

  Tommy Mullaney : Is she okay?

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : She got a huge offer from McCann Jones, we couldn't match it, she resigned her partnership last night. And frankly, she couldn't have picked a worse time.

  Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb : Doug, her father had a stroke. She's putting him in a nursing home which is gonna costs God knows how much. She needs some security.

  Ann Kelsey : You knew about this?

  Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb : Uh-huh.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Since there's nothing we can do, I suggest we move on. I'd like to introduce our new associate, Bill Castroverti. Some of you are familiar with his talents as a litigator.

  Tommy Mullaney : Familiar? He killed me.

  Jonathan Rollins : Welcome to our side.

  Billy Castroverti : Thanks. It's weird to be here.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : He'll be moving into Victor's old office. Second, a heartfelt welcome back to Ann Kelsey. Believe me, you were missed.

  Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb : Hear, Hear!

  Jonathan Rollins : All right. It's about time.

  [Tommy applause to Kelsey since her more than three months suspension] 

  Ann Kelsey : It's good to be back.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Too bad Stuart can't say the same.

  Ann Kelsey : He's with Matthew. Amalia quit two days ago and we've been going crazy trying to replace her.

• Arnie Becker : [Ann is interrupted by Becker steaming in]  What is this crap, Douglas? I come in, I'm running late, my messages haven't been picked up, my mail hasn't been opened and there's a bimbo sitting outside my office telling me Gwen has serving jury duty. I thought you were going to get her excused.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : She didn't want me to. You'll just have to survive with a temp.

  Arnie Becker : I have special needs, Douglas.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Personnel is Roxanne's department. Use your influence.

  [to the group] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Jonathan has the Lunsford deposition, C.J. starts People vs. Manheim, I meet on the Powell trust. Anything else?

  [No one answer] 

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Uh, one more note. We may be renting out our extra office space...

  Leland McKenzie : This isn't settled yet.

  Douglas Brackman, Jr. : Then we're adjourned.

  [And they all disperse] 

• [McKenzie comes in - to find Van Owen waiting] 

  Leland McKenzie : Grace.

  Grace Van Owen : Leland.

  Leland McKenzie : Oh, it's good to see you.

  Grace Van Owen : You, too. I know I should've made an appointment.

  Leland McKenzie : Aw, now, don't be silly. Sit down.

  [as they do] 

  Leland McKenzie : I'm... I'm so sorry... I'm sorry about the baby.

  Grace Van Owen : I got your note, thank you.

  Leland McKenzie : How is Victor?

  Grace Van Owen : Victor and I... Victor and I are separated. Um, I'm no longer practicing with him and Michael.

  Leland McKenzie : [after the beat]  I don't know what to say.

  Grace Van Owen : I'd rather not talk about it now, Leland. I'm here because I took the Chandler case with me. We empanel today. I cannot conduct an effective defense out of my house. I would like to move in here temporarily and pay you a percentage.

  Leland McKenzie : [Gently]  Oh, no, Grace, this has all happened so quickly. You've had a lot to deal with. Maybe you should move for a continuance.

  Grace Van Owen : I've had two. And Elsa Chandler is being tried in the press, the "Ice Queen" who killed her husband. The judge is not gonna go for another delay.

  Leland McKenzie : But surely a couple of weeks-...

  Grace Van Owen : [With an edge]  The D.A. would fight it as well. I'm up against a wall, Leland.

  Leland McKenzie : Yeah. Yeah. I see.

  [McKenzie sees more, that Van Owen really needs support] 

  Leland McKenzie : You know, we sure could use your name on our letterhead just now. What if you were to come back to the firm, of counsel?

  Grace Van Owen : After the way I left... this is very generous of you.

  Leland McKenzie : Oh, no, not at all. No, no. It benefits us both. You're be bringing in something high profile, we would supply the second chair.

  Grace Van Owen : I'm... I'm not sure that's necessary.

  Leland McKenzie : No, I insist. This is a capital case, you'll need someone. It's the least we can do.

• Susan Bloom : [enters]  You are a stubborn old fart!

  Leland McKenzie : Get out of here!

  Susan Bloom : Don't sputter at me, Leland. This is too important. We could do each other a lotta good.

  Leland McKenzie : I would rather go swimming in nuclear waste!

  Susan Bloom : Get over it, honey. This place is in deep financial doody and everybody knows it. Hold on. Just listen to my proposal. If you don't like it, then you can throw me out.

  Leland McKenzie : You have two minutes.

  Susan Bloom : I only need one. I'm a cash cow. I have more money than God! I'll agree to pay anything you want for office space, refer you my litigation overflow plus anything my clients need outside the industry, and I will even get you a deal with my insurance company.

  Leland McKenzie : In return for what?

  Susan Bloom : Your downtown connections, your sterling reputation. You need a shot in the arm, I'm looking to branch out. Together we're Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. She had the sex, he had the class.

  Leland McKenzie : If you mean a merger, that's out of the question.

  Susan Bloom : I like to co-habit before I get married. We share space, see what happens.

  Leland McKenzie : Trust me, nothing will.

  Susan Bloom : But you like my offer.

  Leland McKenzie : We have the right to terminate any time on a month's notice. You also pay for office services and the use of the library. Any joint clients, their legal fees go 50-50.

  Susan Bloom : My name goes on the door, we issue a press release, and agree to talk closer ties in six months.

  Leland McKenzie : A year. And this will all have to be approved by the partners. It isn't final.

  Susan Bloom : Small strokes, baby. Paper work. We got a done deal.