The Larry Sanders Show (TV Series)

Hank's Sex Tape (1995)

Jeffrey Tambor: Hank Kingsley

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hank Kingsley : People think of Hank Kingsley as a, just a 'meat-and-potatoes' guy. You know? A guy you can invite over for dinner. 'Hey Hank, what are you doing tonight? Do you want some dinner? Come on over! We're having some meat and potatoes. What's that? You can't make it? You're busy? What are you doing?' WELL I'M JUST FUCKING TWO WOMEN!

  [pause] 

  Hank Kingsley : Jesus, can you say something?

  Sid Bessell : It's cycles! Show-business is cycles.

  Hank Kingsley : Do you understand how humiliating this is? Do you understand how exposed I feel? My God, I could lose the Orange Grower's deal!

  Sid Bessell : Who knew you were going to pull out your pecker on camera.

  Hank Kingsley : This is what you choose to say to me at this moment.

• Henry Winkler : I just heard that you were coming out with some kind of a tape... an exercise tape. Congratulations.

  Hank Kingsley : What is that, a joke? What, are you trying to be funny? You know, you can't just bang a jukebox and go, "ayyyyy" and all your problems disappear, Fonzie.

  Henry Winkler : [pause]  It worked for me.

  Hank Kingsley : Go fuck yourself.

• Hank Kingsley : Where'd you take this?

  Phil : From your office.

  Hank Kingsley : You stole this from my office?

  Phil : No, not exactly...

  Hank Kingsley : You stole this from my office?

  Phil : Not exactly. We, we were walking by and it said 'Hank's birthday' so we thought we missed your party or something.

  Hank Kingsley : Shame on you!

  [to Beverly, trying to leave] 

  Hank Kingsley : Sit down.

  [back to Phil] 

  Hank Kingsley : Shame on you! Shame on you! Exactly what point did you realize this wasn't Hank's birthday? This isn't my tape. What did you do?

  [cuts to him talking to his agent] 

  Hank Kingsley : Copies! Not a copy. Copies as in more than one!

• Hank Kingsley : [beats up a promotional cut-out of himself]  What are you laughing at? Huh? You bald piece of shit! You fat little whore! Stop it! Stop it!

• Hank Kingsley : Sex is not a dirty thing. Sex is not a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.

  Larry Sanders : To quote our president.

• [last lines] 

  Hank Kingsley : Hey, what do you think?

  Larry Sanders : Good. I wish that was me. Who do you have to fuck to get this?

• Hank Kingsley : Don't bring up Artie. The snake doesn't like Artie.