- Laverne DeFazio: [to Shirley, after deciding to not take Max's demeaning job offer of truck washing] Are you with me or not?
- Shirley Feeney: [snapping] Tell him whatever you want!
- Laverne DeFazio: Mr. Shotz?
- Max Shotz: [over loudspeaker] Well, what have you decided?
- Laverne DeFazio: We think your truck washing job stinks!
- Max Shotz: You're fired!
- Shirley Feeney: Oh no, we're not! Because... we quit!
- Max Shotz: [Laverne and Shirley hold ketchup and mustard squirters over his portrait] DON'T YOU DARE!
- [they deface the portrait with the condiments]
- Shirley Feeney: [after Laverne has suggested that Lenny and Squiggy drive them to California] Lenny and Squiggy? Do you honestly believe that it's safe traveling cross-country with them?
- Laverne DeFazio: Safer than kissin' 'em goodbye!
- Carmine 'The Big Ragoo' Ragusa: [to Shirley before he kisses her passionately] Maybe this'll change your mind about movin' to California.
- Max Shotz: [over public address system in breakroom, where the bottlecappers have all gathered for a meeting] Attention all bottlecappers. I have gathered you all here today to announce that I have purchased the new XJ-762.
- Laverne DeFazio: [to Shirley] He bought a car?
- Max Shotz: ...the machine that makes bottlecapping extremely easy.
- Shirley Feeney: [applauding] Let's hear it for Mr. Shotz! Let's hear it for him!
- [other bottlecappers in the room also applaud]
- Max Shotz: [continuing] So easy, that you're all... fired. You will all receive two weeks pay. Goodbye, good luck, and get out!
- Laverne DeFazio: [to Shirley happily after everyone else leaves the breakroom after being fired] Hey Shirl! Two weeks vacation, huh?
- Shirley Feeney: [shrieking] What are you talking about? We've been fired!
- Laverne DeFazio: Yeah, but not for two weeks! Where do you want to go?
- Max Shotz: [over loudspeaker] Feeney, DeFazio...
- Shirley Feeney: [rushing to Max's portrait in the breakroom, under the loudspeaker] Yes, sir! Yes, Mr. Shotz, sir! May I straighten you there a little bit, sir.
- [adjusts portrait, Laverne turns away in disgust]
- Laverne DeFazio: Oh, Shirl!
- Max Shotz: [as Shirley finishes adjusting his portrait] Thank you. Because you are, in fact, the oldest living bottlecappers here at Shotz, we've decided to create a new job for you with only a small cut in pay.
- Shirley Feeney: Uh sir, what pays less than bottlecapping?
- Max Shotz: Delivery truck washing.
- Laverne DeFazio: [turns up her nose] Truck washing? That's no job, that's an insult!