- Shirley Feeney: [Laverne returns from a date after learning her date was married] How many times is this going to have to happen to you before you finally learn to check, to see if a guy is married or not?
- Laverne DeFazio: Oh Shirl please, please don't start with that married man test again now. I checked his finger. There was no ring, no tan line.
- Shirley Feeney: Did you check his socks? Single men...
- Shirley Feeney, Laverne DeFazio: --Never wear matching socks.
- Laverne DeFazio: I don't like to mess with a guy's feet unless I know him real well. It's a little thing I have.
- Shirley Feeney: Well, you should always smell them. Only single men wear cologne. Married men don't give a hoot what they smell like.