- Football Player: [Wally and Eddie are running practice for Beaver's new football team] Hey, Coach, can I be excused? I gotta go home and take my cod liver oil.
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Well, uh, I was just gonna give you some plays. Are you gonna let the team down?
- Football Player: My father says if I don't take my cod liver oil, my teeth'll fall out.
- Eddie Haskell: Look, kid! What do you want to be, All-American or have teeth?
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Hey, Beav! You want that Eddie Haskell and I should coach your team for you?
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: It'd be neat if you do, Wally, but that Eddie - he's a mean guy.
- Wallace 'Wally' Cleaver: Well, I'll do most of the coachin'. Eddie will just kinda hang around.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: But he's the kind of guy that even hangs around mean.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: [Beaver's football team loses because Penny spilled the secret play to the rivals] Yeah, Dad, and then she said she told Richard and Harry and all the Tigers about our secret play. How could a girl be so dumb as to do somethin' like that?
- Ward Cleaver: Well, Beaver, you told it to her in the first place. That wasn't such a smart thing, either.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: But, gee, Dad! I didn't think it was being dumb!
- Ward Cleaver: Well, son, I think you've learned something here: Never tell anyone anything you don't want repeated.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: But, gee, Dad! I like to talk to people. How can I talk to 'em if I don't tell 'em stuff?
- Ward Cleaver: Well, it's all right to talk to people, but if you're trying to keep a secret, you must be on your guard.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: I guess you gotta be more on your guard with girls than you do with fellas. Huh, Dad?
- Ward Cleaver: Well, yes, but there's no need to tell your mother I said that.
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: Oh, don't worry, Dad. We're a couple-a guys that can tell each other stuff.
- June Cleaver: [June opens the den door and comes in] There you are. Well, Beaver, what have you been discussing with your father?
- Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver: [with pride, and a knowing smile] Nothing, Mom. We were just talking like the two of us were men.