- Fred Horton: For a while there I was losing friends and relatives at a wicked pace. I thought I had joined the funeral of the month club.
- The Animal: He's really a lively old guy, for his age.
- Lou Grant: How old is he?
- The Animal: I don't know, but he must be pretty old, he was in the battle of the Bulge in World War One.
- Lou Grant: The Battle of the Bulge was in World War Two.
- The Animal: You sure?
- Lou Grant: I was there.
- The Animal: Oh. Well, you're kind of a lively old guy too, Lou.
- Fred Horton: We used to say: a good hat is like a good woman. Treat her right and she'll keep you warm and happy in your old age.
- Lou Grant: He didn't ask for any references at all?
- Billie Newman: I was breathing, I think that was reference enough.
- Lou Grant: I'm not talking about charity, I'm talking about a real job.
- Fred Horton: At a newspaper? For a guy who spent forty years making hats? Come on.
- Fred Horton: Maybe you could make paper hats?