- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: [calming his patients] We're safe as long as they keep aiming at us.
- [Fleeing from exploding shells, Hawkeye runs into the cave entrance]
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Hi, honey, I'm home!
- [Outside the cave, where the 4077th has temporarily evacuated]
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Anything left out here, Klinger?
- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: Just me. Before I go in, sir, I demand you send out a patrol to rescue my wardrobe!
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: [points him towards the entrance] Into the cave, with the rest of the bats.
- [Hawkeye and Margaret must return to the 4077th hospital to operate on a wounded soldier, while heavy shelling is still going on outside]
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: I know, I know. I'm crazy! And I'll probably never forgive myself. But I'm also the head nurse. And I'll be damned if I'll send someone else out there to face what terrifies me!
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: [respectfully] You're a better nurse than I am, Gunga Din.
- Major Bartruff: Obviously, you have a superseded code book, Colonel Potter, if that's who you are.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: What do you mean, "If that's who you are"? Look, you dunderhead, I'm me! But I'm not gonna BE me much longer if you don't squirt the battle in another direction!