- Drunken G.I.: She dumped me for a college boy. Do you think a college guy is better than me?
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: ...which college?
- Drunken G.I.: Stinkin' college boy!
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: [straining] Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- Captain B.J. Hunnicut: This way, sir.
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: I graduated summa cum laude. Lettered in crew and polo. Women dripping off me. Rah, rah, rah.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Get on that phone. Get me the Pentagon.
- Klinger: The what-a-gone, sir?
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: The Pentagon. Weird-looking building. Four walls and a spare. Monument to Murphy's Law.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: [after Mulcahy yells at the Greek and Turkish soldiers who were fighting] What's all that caterwauling? Is that the padre?
- Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger: Yes, sir. Just a little sermon to the Greek and the Turk from the Book of Threats.