- Maj. Frank Burns: [after seeing Hawkeye's slideshow showing compromising pictures of Hotlips and Gen. Clayton] Margaret!
- Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan: Uh... he's... just a, a, friend of the family!
- Ho-Jon: Hey, they're passing out champagne. I thought you guys might like some.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: No. I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody.
- Father Francis Mulcahy: Friends, friends... Civilians of all ranks. This is the happiest... in fact, this is the only happy day of the war. And it is fitting that we pause to offer a prayer of thanksgiving to the merciful God who has delivered us from this terrible conflict. Let us pray in silence, and remember... those of our comrades who have fallen.
- [the group bows their heads in silence]
- Father Francis Mulcahy: Amen. And now, on with the secular festivities!