Photos
Quotes
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : How dare you do that to me in front of a room full of people! I have to work with them!
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : You'll work with them a lot better when you start treating them like people.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Don't hand me that baloney. You're not standing up for her as a woman, you're really jealous of her, aren't you?
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : Jealous of her?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Olive green.
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : Over you? Don't be an ass! You think everything revolves around you and your spectacular body, don't you?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : You're raving.
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : You think a woman is dead until she lives for you. Well, let me tell you something, Benjamin Franklin, we actually survive without you. We live, we breathe, we dream, we do our work, we earn our pay, sometimes we even have our little failures, and then we pull ourselves together all without benefit of your fabulous electric lips! And let me tell you something else, buster. I can walk into that kitchen anytime I want, and replace those fabulous lips of yours with a soggy piece of liver!
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Hawkeye : I am the essence of overconfidence! I am speculation, adventure; the spirit of pursuit; the stag howling for its winsome yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution; the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle buzz of the bees. I am sex itself, gentlemen. I am life. I am appetite!
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Hawkeye : I am the essence of overconfidence! I am speculation,adventure; the spirit of pursuit; the stag howling for its winsome yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution; the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle buzz of the bees. I am sex itself,gentlemen! I am life! I am appetite!
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : And I'm not taking my clothes off until he leaves!
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Hawkeye : Let me tell you something, Charles. You think women are only good for one thing.
Maj. Charles Winchester : Oh, don't be absurd, Pierce. I respect and I admire the sex.
Hawkeye : Sure! As long as they're your handmaidens. As long as they tell you what a great guy you are and carry out your every whim. You know something, Charles? Sitting here listening to you spout your bilge, I get a picture clear and sharp of the world's most perfect ass.
Maj. Charles Winchester : Are you referring to me?
Hawkeye : I'm referring to me!
Maj. Charles Winchester : Well, that's better.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Oh, don't feel bad, Charles. You're just as perfect.
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Maj. Charles Winchester : Face it, Pierce. She was far more attracted to me, until you began assassinating my character.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : You assassinated his character?
Hawkeye : Yeah. I let him talk.
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Hawkeye : You're gonna pull me through this in spite of myself, aren't ya?
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : Why not?
Hawkeye : [They smile, walking side by side, arms on each other's shoulder] You know, Louis, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.
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Hawkeye : I think you'll find these first-class accommodations. Hot and cold running rodents everywhere but the Mess Tent, which they refuse to patronize, surgery when you least expect it, and the occasional fireworks display to celebrate the end of civilization as we know it.
Dr. Inga Halvorsen : Oh, it sounds lovely.
Hawkeye : We got four stars from the International Hellhole Society.
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Hawkeye : I haven't treated you like a professional?
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : All you think about with women is one thing.
Hawkeye : In some cases, not even one.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Hard smash to your left, Margaret.
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : That's supposed to cut me to the quick, right? You've got a yardstick that's three letters high: S-E-X. And you measure every woman in the camp by it.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Great backhand.
Hawkeye : What are you getting so excited about?
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : I'm sick and tired of the way you chase the nurses! Now that you've met a woman who's on your own professional level, I'm loving every minute of it.
Maj. Charles Winchester : As am I.
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Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : So that's all that bothered you, huh? The way she did it.
Hawkeye : Yeah.
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : I've got a big piece of news for you, Captain. Charles is right. The fact that she's a woman is what gets you.
Hawkeye : You must be kidding.
Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan : Oh, you love the women. As long as they're cute and charming and following orders, you're happy as a clam. You're fine with the handmaidens, but let a woman be an equal really makes your hair fall out, doesn't it?
Maj. Charles Winchester : Margaret, could you find a better simile?
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Hawkeye : May I tell you something about your ears? Would that offend you?
Dr. Inga Halvorsen : My ears?
Hawkeye : Some people's ears just hang from their head like a pair of wrinkled omelets. But yours draw back tenuously from your cheeks in gentle swirls.
Dr. Inga Halvorsen : I thought we were going to talk about Gray's Anatomy, not mine.
Hawkeye : Gray has a fabulous personality, but he's got no body whatsoever.
