M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Mail Call Three (1978)
Gary Burghoff: Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly
Photos
Quotes
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Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Come on! This is my mom we're talkin' about!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Radar, she's a woman. She's a warm human being. Where do you think you came from, the Monkey Ward catalog?
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : That was my regular father.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Radar. Radar, you're jealous.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Me? Jealous?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Yeah, sure. You have to share her with somebody else for the first time since you were a little kid.
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Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Well, you know my mother.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Only by mail.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Well, you know, she's been without my dad for a long time now.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Yeah, I know. yeah.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : She started keeping company with this man. He's been a teller at the Farmer's Bank for 30 years. He's a third degree Mason. He's an elder in his church.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Sounds like a pretty shady character.
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Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Yeah. Maybe I am jealous.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : I was the same way. The same thing happened to me. My father's a widower, you know.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Yeah?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Yeah.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : You mean just like my mom?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Yeah, right. When I was about 12 years old, he got interested in this very nice lady. She was a bookkeeper. And I was sore as hell. I didn't say anything, but he knew I was sore. And he really wanted me to like her, but I wouldn't. Anyway.
[Long pause]
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Well, I guess he needed my approval so much that, uh... he didn't marry her. And he's been alone to this day. And loneliness is everything it's cracked up to be.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Yeah, I guess it is.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : So, with your mother, I'd wait and see what happens.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Yeah, well, if you say so.
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Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Well, I don't even know this guy, and he's going around with my mom. It's, uh, look, bingo on Wednesday night at the Masonic Lodge. On Friday it's square dancing at the Pentecostal Church. Every Sunday he gets her in his Nash Metropolitan, and he takes her over to Lockport for snow-cones. Just the two of 'em. They never stop. It's go, go, go!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : So what's wrong, wrong, wrong?
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Well, old people aren't supposed to go runnin' around like that.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Sure they are. I think it's great.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Well, yeah, but what if he, uh... suppose he wants to horse around?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Great. It's good for the cardiovascular system.
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Col. Sherman T. Potter : You jackass! What kind of idiotic stunt was that? For two cents, I'd slam you in the hoosegow and throw away the key.
Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly : Welcome home, Klinger.
Col. Sherman T. Potter : Joyriding around Korea in the middle of the night. Could've gotten yourself killed! Now what do you have to say for yourself?
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : Colonel, I gotta tell you...
Col. Sherman T. Potter : I don't want to hear it!