M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Mail Call Three (1978)
Loretta Swit: Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan
Photos
Quotes
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Maj. Charles Winchester : Have you seen my tortoise pen? My tortoise shell fountain pen?
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : No.
Maj. Charles Winchester : I won it in a debate. "Should the U.S. permit more liberal immigration?" I, of course, took the negative.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Ohh.
Maj. Charles Winchester : My family has had problems with immigrants ever since we came to America.
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Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : [about her mother-in-law] Donald put me up for an associate membership in the D.A.R., and she blackballed me.
Maj. Charles Winchester : Well, that's understandable.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : What?
Maj. Charles Winchester : Margaret, the D.A.R. has standards to maintain. They can't let just anybody in. Besides, you wouldn't be happy there. People standing around talking about things you wouldn't understand and ignoring you in the process.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Is that so?
Maj. Charles Winchester : Margaret, people like we Winchesters and the Penobscotts must constantly be on guard to maintain the integrity of, how shall I say, the breed.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : What am I, half schnauzer, half airedale?
Maj. Charles Winchester : Now, now, dear. Inherited characteristics are extremely important, and the bloodline is the key. Most assuredly you are good breeding stock, wide pelvis.
[Margaret elbows him in the gut]
Maj. Charles Winchester : Ooh. Good bones.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Out!
Maj. Charles Winchester : [Margaret grabs him by the collar] Firm muscle tone.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Out!
Maj. Charles Winchester : [Margaret turns him around and starts him marching] Excellent reflexes.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Out!
Maj. Charles Winchester : [Margaret marches him out the door] Will you excuse me?