- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Next on our tour, the human heart. Most people think it's a large red thing that holds five pounds of chocolates. Not so. This little dynamo pumps up to six liters of blood a minute and has the durability of a tank. The only thing guaranteed to break it is a cute blonde in very tight shorts.
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: [Drunk out of his mind and listening to Hawkeye and BJ make fun of him losing his position at Massachusetts General] Is that what you think... Beej? Is that what all you cretins think?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Did you hear something that sounded like Charles?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: The mummy speaks!
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: Indeed, and I'm going to rise from this hideous tomb and leave all you relics behind.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Going somewhere Charles?
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: You bet your beer soaked brain I am.
- [Holds up piece of paper]
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: Read this and weep. This is from the Massachusetts General Hospital...
- [mumbling drunk]
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: Mahahuhet genel hopital. You are looking at the next chief of thoracic surgery.
- [hiccups on thorasic]
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: Gentlemen, eat my dust!
- [throws paper down with a sinister grin]
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Well, we got him to talk.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: That's nothing, I can make him yell. Charles, uh, I wouldn't pack my bags just yet.
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: No?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: No... uh... see... Beej and I sort of... uh... well... know about... your news
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: You read my telegram.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Read your-oh heavens no.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: We would never read your telegram.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: We wrote it.
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: You wrote that?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Well I admit it's not the nicest thing we've ever done, but you have to realize that you challenged us!
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: There was no other way to get you to talk.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: We don't like to lose Charles.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Especially to you.
- Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III: Rest assured that I will despise each and every one of you if I live to be a hundred.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Well, you know what they say, Charles: Time wounds all heels.