M*A*S*H (TV Series)
War of Nerves (1977)
David Ogden Stiers: Maj. Charles Winchester
Photos
Quotes
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Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III : [after Hawkeye and BJ put a cot on the bonfire] A cot. How can you do that?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut : It's just a thing. It has no intrinsic value.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Besides, it's yours.
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Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Colonel Potter, I clearly saw Major Winchester touch his nose.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : You naughty boy.
Maj. Charles Winchester : Colonel, I refuse to spend another seven and a half minutes scrubbing up because of this woman's paranoid hallucinations!
Col. Sherman T. Potter : She's a pretty good observer, Winchester.
Maj. Charles Winchester : I DID NOT TOUCH MY NO-- I did not touch my nose.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : You DID touch your nose! I SAW you touch your nose!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : It's the battle of the noses, ladies and gentlemen. Who do you think is ahead, Captain Hunnicutt?
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : Well, Winchester was ahead for a while, but he blew it.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : Say, that's disgusting.
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Maj. Charles Winchester : How am I expected to operate in here if I must continually leave to wash my hands?
All : Don't touch your nose!
Maj. Charles Winchester : [Under his breath] Idiots.
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Maj. Charles Winchester : [about Maj. Houlihan] Look, the point is SHE is the one who is obsessed. She watches my every movement. My body seems to be of intense interest to her. Which I suppose you find, uh, very revealing, right?
[Smirks]
Maj. Charles Winchester : Hmm. In other words, the woman's crazy about me. Huh?
[laughs]
Maj. Charles Winchester : Please, don't make me laugh.
Maj. Sidney Freedman : I don't know whatever got into me.
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Maj. Sidney Freedman : Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?
Maj. Charles Winchester : Hardly. I do not intend to be part of Colonel Potter's psychiatric cattle drive. I just dropped by to say that I won't... be dropping by.
Maj. Sidney Freedman : Would dropping by make you uncomfortable?
Maj. Charles Winchester : No. Don't waste your clinical come-on with me, Doctor. I had my fill of psychiatrists at the age of nine. And no, I don't care to talk about it.
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Maj. Charles Winchester : [about Maj. Houlihan] I tell you, Major, that woman is verging on a very serious breakdown. If I had any confidence at all in psychiatry,
[chuckles]
Maj. Charles Winchester : I would recommend, uh, treatment.
Maj. Sidney Freedman : Thank you.
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Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Major Winchester, I'm terribly sorry. Would you mind stepping outside and scrubbing up?
Maj. Charles Winchester : [Chuckling] I kind of doubt that'll be necessary, Major. I just spent seven and a half minutes scrubbing.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Yes, but that was before you touched your nose.
Maj. Charles Winchester : I beg your pardon?
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Your nose. You touched your nose. You're no longer sterile. If you operate now, you'll contaminate the field.
Maj. Charles Winchester : Of course. That is precisely what I would do, if in fact I had touched my nose, which I didn't.
Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan : Major, I saw you touch your nose!
Maj. Charles Winchester : Major, do you think my face is insensate? Don't you think if I had touched my nose, I would have felt it?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce : I just felt something over my lip. Maybe you touched my nose.
Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt : You touch his nose, Charles, you'll have to marry him.