- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: So, Lieutenant. How was the ambush class?
- Lt. Eugene 'Gene' Holowachuk: Well, uh. You know, sir. One ambush class is about the same as the next.
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: Is that so? It might interest you to know that I stopped by the ambush class this afternoon. Imagine my surprise when I discovered the my Lieutenant had shrunk several inches, become a non-commissioned officer, and changed his race.
- Lt. Eugene 'Gene' Holowachuk: You stopped by?
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: Lieutenant, why was Sargeant James teaching that class...
- Lt. Eugene 'Gene' Holowachuk: Why did you have to stop by?
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: ...instead of the Marine I had assigned to teach that class?
- Lt. Eugene 'Gene' Holowachuk: Of all days to stop by...
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: [McGillis interrupts] Lieutenant, I can stop by anytime I want! What's going on?
- Lt. Eugene 'Gene' Holowachuk: [Holowachuk answers scared] Well, sir, I'm not at liberty to say.
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: Holowachuk. You are one of my most reliable officers. I know you wouldn't disregard your duties unless you had a very good reason.
- Lt. Eugene 'Gene' Holowachuk: Thank you, sir.
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: Well? What is it?
- Lt. Eugene 'Gene' Holowachuk: I'm not at liberty to say.
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: [McGillis puts his hand on Holowachuk's right shoulder and makes him nervous] Son, are you in some kind of trouble? Gambling, liquor, a woman?
- Lt. Eugene 'Gene' Holowachuk: Boy, wouldn't that be nice?
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: All right then. What is it?
- Lt. Eugene 'Gene' Holowachuk: Believe me, sir. If I were at liberty, I would say. But I'm not.
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: Very well, Lieutenant. You leave me no other choice. You will replace Lieutenant Williams as Officer of the Day. Report here at 1900.
- Lt. Eugene 'Gene' Holowachuk: Tonight, sir?
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: If you can make it.
- Lt. Eugene 'Gene' Holowachuk: Does it have to be tonight?
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: Affirmative! Lieutenant Williams asked to be relieved of his duties. Some party, or something, he wants to go to.
- Lt. Eugene 'Gene' Holowachuk: Very well, sir.
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: Lieutenant. I don't know what brought on this abhorrent behavior of yours but, while you sit here alone tonight, maybe you can decide whether it was worth it or not.
- Lt. Eugene 'Gene' Holowachuk: Damn.
- [Holowachuk slams his hand on McGillis' birthday cupcake]
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: [McGillis stands beside a nervous Holowachuk] Lieutenant, you've crushed my cupcake.
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: I didn't have birthday parties.
- Lt. Eugene 'Gene' Holowachuk: Ahhh.
- Maj. John D. 'Mac' McGillis: Well, my folks felt it was no big deal getting another year older. I mean, all it takes is not dying.