Richard Vernon: Oldenshaw

Quotes 

• Oldenshaw : I frequently give thanks to God that I was not born American.

• Oldenshaw : Are you peeved?

  Imlac Defraits : Yes!

  Oldenshaw : No-one can be right all the time, Imlac. Except me.

• Oldenshaw : Solved!

  Imlac Defraits : Snap.

  Oldenshaw : Got it.

  Imlac Defraits : So have I. Rather quicker than you, I fancy. So sorry.

  Oldenshaw : Thank you; I accept your congratulations.

  [Holds up two pieces of paper] 

  Oldenshaw : Look at these.

  Imlac Defraits : [Resigned]  Oh well, you'd better start.

  Oldenshaw : On this piece of paper: a date. On this piece of paper - which was in a sealed envelope which I've just opened - another date.

  Imlac Defraits : Last time I saw this act , it was at the Chiswick Empire. No wonder music hall died.

• Imlac Defraits : The Devil can quote scripture.

  Oldenshaw : As the self-righteous so often say to the sanctimonious.

• Oldenshaw : Legal functionaries expect regal unctions.

• [Defraits has just played Oldenshaw one of Sky Ryder's singles] 

  Oldenshaw : That is typical of Mr Ryder's singing?

  Imlac Defraits : Definitive. It sold a million copies. A strong argument against the abolition of capital punishment, wouldn't you say?

  Oldenshaw : Hmm. Revolting sentiments, from what I could hear of them. Catchy tune; but then I'm not so addicted to musical snobbery as you, Imlac.

  [He begins to hum the track] 

  Imlac Defraits : [Hurriedly]  Oh, oh thank you, lovely, Oldenshaw, beautiful - ah, please ...

  Oldenshaw : Does he always sing this pseudo-religious nonsense?

  Imlac Defraits : Yes. It counterpoints his otherwise murky private life.

  Oldenshaw : So much for nearly two thousand years of Christianity.