Married... with Children (TV Series)

At the Zoo (1989)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Al Bundy : Hey guys, a toast! To the working man. The last American hero. Right guys?

  Marcy Rhoades : [along with all the men]  Right!

  Al Bundy : We work to make a living, and what do we get?

  Marcy Rhoades : [along with all the men]  Squat!

  Al Bundy : And what else?

  Marcy Rhoades : [along with all the men]  Nothing!

  Al Bundy : Then why do we go on?

  Marcy Rhoades : [along with all the men]  We're stupid!

• Marcy Rhoades : You know what really frosts my weenie? They don't care how they look. Right guys?

  Norris : Well, I can't complain. At least I live with a woman who has a job like me, makes me dinner, and doesn't mind rubbing my feet after a hard day.

  Al Bundy : Yeah, but your mom's getting kind of old.

• TV News Anchor : And to close, we have a story about a true moron. Tonight, an unemployed househusband and self-described man of nature, thinking that the last Caribbean pygmy sea turtle born in captivity was unhappy, broke into the zoo aquarium, stole the turtle, and released it into Lake Michigan. Apparently, this man of nature didn't know that it was a saltwater turtle. Witnesses reported that Bosco tried valiantly to crawl back out of the water, only to be thrown back in by this deranged unemployed man, standing on the bank singing "Born Free". Bosco will be missed.

  [a photo of a turtle with the caption: 'Bosco, 1901-1989' is shown on the TV screen] 

  TV News Anchor : Bail has been set at $25,000. Not nearly enough in this reporter's opinion.

  Marcy Rhoades : [looks at the $25,000 check she has]  Ah, well. I guess I know what I have to do.

  Al Bundy : You gonna go bail him out?

  Marcy Rhoades : Let him rot. I'm gonna buy myself a new Jag.

• [first lines] 

  Courtney : Hi, Mr. Bundy. Would you like to buy some chipmunk cookies?

  Al Bundy : No. Go away.

  Courtney : Oh come on. You can't look at cookies and not be hungry. I know your wife never cooks for you. My father told me that all you ever eat is bugs and dirt.

  Al Bundy : Well, you go home and tell your father that you have the mailman's eyes.

• Courtney : Come on. I know you want to buy some cookies. It's food.

  Al Bundy : Oh, all right. I'll take one box of those macadamian nut cookies.

  Courtney : That'll be two dollars.

  Al Bundy : Wait here, I'll go write you a check.

  Courtney : Cash only, Bundy!

  Al Bundy : I'm a shoe salesman. I don't have any cash on me. Give me some credit.

  Courtney : I've heard stories about you passing bad checks all over town. Two dollars, cash only, deadbeat!

  Al Bundy : Get out of here.

  Courtney : [walks away]  Eat a bug!

  Al Bundy : Wet a bed!