Married... with Children (TV Series)

Can't Dance, Don't Ask Me (1989)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Al Bundy : Remember the Bundy credo. When one Bundy is embarrassed, the rest of us feel better about ourselves.

• [after the fat and ugly Mrs. Wicker jumbs on Al] 

  Al Bundy : She bit me on the neck, Peg! Now I'll live forever!

• Al Bundy : Two months ago, I bought 20 pair of socks. Now I got 20 swinging singles with only one complete pair.

  Peggy Bundy : Then wear them.

  Al Bundy : I can't. They're the socks I got married in... the evil socks.

• Peggy Bundy : Al, maybe it's not too late to get Kelly out of this. Try saying something nice to Principal Wicker.

  [Al looks at the fat principal] 

  Al Bundy : You're looking less ugly tonight.

  Mrs. Wicker : If your daughter isn't great, she's out of here like spit through a trumpet.

  Al Bundy : There's no reaching her, Peg.

• Al Bundy : I called all my friends and their socks are disappearing too and their wives claim they don't know either. So level with me Peg. What is Oprah telling you to do with our socks?

• Al Bundy : Did Daddy ever let you down before?

  Kelly Bundy : Lots of times.

  Al Bundy : Then you won't be surprised at what Daddy has to say.

• Al Bundy : Come on, Wicker. You're not really going to make my daughter go through with this, are you? Think back to when you were a little girl... roaming the range with the rest of the buffalo. Scratching yourself up against a tree. Trembling to the sound of the iron horse.

  Mrs. Wicker : She dances or she's expelled.

  Al Bundy : [to Peggy]  There's no charming her, Peg.

• Bud Bundy : Mom, Dad, big news at school today.

  Al Bundy : All the guys are losing their socks while the girls in Home Ec giggle fiendishly?

  Bud Bundy : [ignores Al]  Mom, big news at school today. The tap-dancing club was doing a recital in the ghetto. Now, apparently, all the gangs banded together and attacked their bus. They couldn't figure out why, but it seems that someone spray-painted a slogan on the side of the bus that said, "We may be nerds, but at least we're not poor. Ha Ha."

  Peggy Bundy : That's terrible. Who would do a mean thing like that?

  Bud Bundy : I'll give you a hint. She lives here, has white hair, and misspelled "Ha Ha."

  Al Bundy : Oh, no. Not what's-her-name.

  Peggy Bundy : It's Kelly, Al.

  Al Bundy : Yeah, that's the one.

• Peggy Bundy : [about the principal]  Well, what's she going to do to you?

  Kelly Bundy : I have to join the tap club.

  Peggy Bundy : With the nerds and the geeks?

  Kelly Bundy : Nerds, dips, feebs, and geeks. I either tap or I'm out of school. What would you do, Mom?

  Peggy Bundy : I'd quit school.

  Al Bundy : Way to go, Supermom.

• Al Bundy : I went into Mrs. Wicker's office and had it out with her man-to-man. I forgot how much she hated me. Peg, she remembered you, too. She called you "The Big Easy."