- Shirley: Aren't you open?
- Al: Sorry ma'am but unlike your mouth we occasionally close.
- Shirley: I want my money back, these shoes fell apart after one day and I wanna know why.
- Griff: Well you see ma'am this is a pliant heel with a cork filling.
- Al: Where as you are a giant seal with a pork filling.
- Shirley: You haven't heard the last of this, what goes around comes around.
- Al: Well considering your orbit looks like I have but ten more years.
- Shirley: [rips coupon] That's it!
- Peggy Bundy: Hey, that's our dinner coupons. You fat cow.
- [Shirley and the fat women are insulted]
- Gwen: No. No. No. We don't like to be called FAT!
- Peggy Bundy: Then stay HOME!
- Al: [laughing] You go, girl!
- [high-fives Peggy]
- Matilda: [flashback] I don't understand it. I was a size six before aerobics class. All the jumping must've expanded my foot.
- Al: And I see you must've fallen on your but a time or two.
- Matilda: How dare you say that to my face?
- Al: Well I'd say it behind your back, but my car's only got half a tank of gas.
- [flashback ends and Shirley doesn't look impressed by Al's fat insults]
- Shirley: What do you say to that, Bundy?
- Al: Well I'd say I used heroic restraint much like the witness' girdle.
- Griff: You guys went to the Jiggly Room for breakfast?
- Jefferson D'Arcy: Yeah, we brought you back an Egg McBiggun.
- Al: Oh come on, I didn't mean it. Haven't you ever had something slip right out of your mouth. I suppose not.
- Peggy Bundy: You should see what he's like with midgets.
- Patty: The proper term is "little people".
- Al: That's the proper term for anyone standing next to you.
- Al: Tell them about the time I let your mother come live with us, Peg.
- Peggy Bundy: Oh alright, I'll take care of this.
- [takes the stand]
- Peggy Bundy: You cannot believe how mean he was to her!
- Shirley: So your mother is a large woman too?
- Peggy Bundy: Well you know, inside of her there's a thin woman just trying to get out.
- Shirley: We all say that.
- Peggy Bundy: No, literally. Last Thanksgiving, she ate my Aunt Edna! I warned her about standing too close to the pies.
- Matilda: That happens.
- Gwen: I lost a kindergarten class that way.
- Al: [looks to the camera, nods] And *I'm* the one on trial.
- Shirley: Mrs. Bundy, has your husband ever shown compassion towards large women?
- Peggy Bundy: Well, he did like that big mom on 'What's Happening!', but he even made fun of her.
- Al: Traitor!
- Peggy Bundy: I'm under oath, Al!
- Al: Oath? You swore on a stack of pancakes!
- Al: You know, Peg, 8 hours staring at fat women, you... you don't look half bad.
- Peggy Bundy: Oh Al!
- Al: [turns out lights, they sink to the floor] Oh Peg.
- Peggy Bundy: Oh Lance!
- Kelly Bundy: Wow, Bud, how'd you replace the window for Dad's car so fast?
- Marcy D'Arcy: [offscreen] Jefferson quick, get up! Somebody's stolen the window to my Mercedes!
- Obese Women: [marching into the shoe store, chanting] 2, 4, 6, 8, don't make fun, of our weight! 2, 4, 6, 8, don't make fun, of our weight!
- Al: [gets up, chanting] 1, 2, 3, 4, you're gonna fall, through the floor!