Married... with Children (TV Series)

Damn Bundys (1997)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Al : Man what I would give to play for the Chicago Bears. I'd sell my soul to play for the Bears.

  [knock on the front door and Al opens it] 

  Lucifer : Good afternoon. I'm here to fix your television.

  Al : Nothing wrong with my television.

  Lucifer : Oh...

  [Lucifer snaps his fingers and the TV set explodes] 

  Al : Uh, you know my wife needs some fixing too.

• [Al sees that Peggy and Jefferson are sitting motionless in from of the TV set] 

  Al : Peg? Jefferson?

  Lucifer : They can't hear you. I've frozen them.

  Al : Please! These are two of the laziest people in the world. You want to impress me, make them get jobs.

  Lucifer : I'm the devil, not a genie.

• Al : If you're a repairman, where's your butt crack?

  Lucifer : My tail's covering it. I'm Lucifer.

  [the devil takes off his cap to reveal a pair of horns in his forehead] 

  Al : Peg, one of your relatives is here!

• Al : There's no Hell like home.

• [Al is playing Hangman with Napoleon] 

  Napoleon : Hmmmmmmm. Could it be zhe letter, P?

  Al : Hangman, I win.

  [laughs] 

  Al : It's French Fries, you idiot. Not too smart, are you?

  [Al sticks his hand in his pants as Napoleon leaves] 

• Al : [Walking Into Hell]  It's hot as hell down here!

  [the Devil glares at him] 

  Al : Oh yeah, right.

• Lucifer : Now here comes my favorite part, your itenuary of eternal torments. For the next millenium, you'll be exclusively dining on the most hideous food ever known to man.

  [lifts the top to reveal weenie tots] 

  Lucifer : Weenie Tots.

  Al : Oooh, I love those.

  Lucifer : Really? Well what you don't know that a steady diet of weenie tots would cause you to spend an eternity in the bathroom.

  Al : [shrugs]  Why do you think I love them?

  Lucifer : [lowers lid and orders the cook leaves]  All right, Mr. Bundy. Since you find Hell such a picnic. How about this? For the rest of eternity, you'll never see your family again!

  Al : [kneels and breaks down]  This is HEAVEN!

• Lucifer : Allow me to introduce my team. Erik the Red, Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan, Brutus, and my favorite, Goliath.

  Al : These guys aren't football players.

  Lucifer : I know. They just hurt people.

  Al : That's not fair. I don't have a team.

  Lucifer : Oh, sure you do, Al.

  [Peggy, Kelly, Bud, Jefferson, and Marcy appear behind Al all wearing football uniforms] 

  Al : Like I said, I don't have a team.

• Peggy Bundy : Al Bundy, this is all your fault. I shouldn't be down here in Hell with you. I should be up in Heaven having sex with a young Elvis.

  Al : Well, then it wouldn't be Heaven for him anymore, would it?

• Al : I'm Al "Shoehorn" Bundy, NFL rookie of the year and spokesman for Super Poligrip, now available in barbecue.

• Al : Tiger Woods sold his soul?

  Lucifer : Of course. You don't think anybody's really that good, do you?

• Al : Look who's crossed the road? I'd say it was a chicken, but it doesn't have any breasts. Just nuggets.