Married... with Children (TV Series)
Kiss of the Coffee Woman (1996)
Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy
Photos
Quotes
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[first lines]
[Al comes home from work]
Al Bundy : All right, I've had it. I'm sick of coming home, seeing you holding down the couch, watching Oprah, and stuffing your face full of bonbons. Now you either get your lazy ass in the kitchen and cook me a meal, or get out!
[Jefferson is sitting on the couch in place of Peggy]
Jefferson D'Arcy : Come on, Al. Marcy won't let me back in the house until I have a job. If you kick me out too... where will I go?
Al Bundy : Don't know, don't care.
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Al Bundy : Kelly, I know you're grown up, even though you still live at home and occasionally pick up the phone when you hear the doorbell. But, sweetheart, look, why do you think I carry your baby picture in my wallet.
Kelly Bundy : That's not me, Dad.
Bud Bundy : That's the picture that came with the wallet.
Al Bundy : Hey, when I bought this wallet, I had a choice - a little boy or a little girl. I picked the little girl. She's symbolic.
Kelly Bundy : She's Chinese, Dad!
Al Bundy : That's what I was hoping you would be!
Kelly Bundy : Oh, Daddy... I'm sorry I'm not Chinese.
Al Bundy : Oh, sweetheart, that all right, now.
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Al Bundy : The difference between me and you Marcy, outside the fact that my feet aren't a Chinese delicacy, is that I know the difference between fact and fiction.
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Al Bundy : Kelly, I've given you good fatherly advice in the past.
Kelly Bundy : Daddy, you have never given me fatherly advice.
Al Bundy : Okay, then here's some advice from someone 100 pounds heavier with an 8-inch reach advantage, you are not kissing the neighbor!
Kelly Bundy : Daddy, I am grown up and you can't tell me what to do anymore, so...
[sticks out her tongue]
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Kelly Bundy : Dad, what is really the problem?
Al Bundy : Well, because I... I want to keep you pure.
Bud Bundy : We'd better call Mr. Peabody and the WABAC machine.
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Al Bundy : I just still can't figure it out. Sex then coffee? It's just wrong.
