- [the band Anthrax looks into the Bundy's refrigerator which is empty]
- Anthrax Band Member: Wow, the desolation.
- Anthrax Band Member: It's not totally empty. There's a Chia Pet in there.
- Bud Bundy: Uh, that... That's not a Chia Pet. Uh, that was a meat loaf. But, uh, there's always Mom's aluminum-foil-wrapped mystery pack.
- [the band grabs the aluminum wrapped package and begins eating the contents]
- Bud Bundy: [to Kelly] Oh, wow. They're gonna eat the mystery pack. Even Dad won't eat the mystery pack. These guys are cool!
- Anthrax Band Member: Wow, the colors. The colors.
- Anthrax Band Member: Is your hunk moving?
- Anthrax Band Member: Oh, it's biting me!
- Anthrax Band Member: If it came out of the fridge, why is it hot?
- Anthrax Band Member: I see 50 people now. Let's jam.
- Marcy D'Arcy: Oh, I see you have some killers over. Very nice. I'm Marcy.
- Anthrax Band Member: Nice to meet you, sir.
- Marcy D'Arcy: I am a woman.
- Anthrax Band Member: [scoffs] Yeah, right.
- [points to Bud]
- Anthrax Band Member: And he's a rap star,
- [points to Kelly]
- Anthrax Band Member: and she's a genius, and we're glad to be here.
- Bud Bundy: Hey, Dad...
- Al Bundy: Go away.
- Bud Bundy: Dad, this isn't about money.
- Al Bundy: Go away anyhow.
- Bud Bundy: Dad! We wanna throw a party on the 30th. Can we, please?
- Al Bundy: Absolutely not. I have something very important to do that night, requires total silence. I can't get too technical, but it involves your mother, our anniversary, and me making love to her 'til I shrivel up and die. Now, you're too young to hear any more. Excuse me. I'm going to go outside and walk blindly in traffic.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: Okay, now that you're more composed, could you tell me what you were doing sitting behind my car with the exhaust pipe in your mouth?
- Al Bundy: [wheezing] My wife... wants me to make... love to her.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: Well, then shouldn't she be the one with her mouth on the exhaust pipe?
- Jefferson D'Arcy: Wilt Chamberlain claims to have made love to over 20,000 women.
- Al Bundy: Yeah, and not one of them was his wife.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: You can do it, big guy.
- Al Bundy: No, I can't. You don't understand. It's my wife, it's just not right!
- Jefferson D'Arcy: It's your own fault for being so... damn desirable, Al.
- Al Bundy: Yes, you're right. Of course I see that now. When my looks says "yes", how can I say "no"?
- [Al looks at the destruction inside his house after the Anthrax house party]
- Al Bundy: [to Kelly and Bud] You kids should be ashamed of yourselves. Having a party while I was stuck down in a swamp having sex with your mother. I never wanna go back to either place again. Where's my fun?
- Peggy Bundy: Al, like you, the kids just did their best.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: All right, come on, you can do it, Al. First you... you put on some music, and then you turn the lights down low.
- Al Bundy: Low?
- Jefferson D'Arcy: Yeah.
- Al Bundy: Low?
- Jefferson D'Arcy: Yeah.
- Al Bundy: But I can still see her!
- [Anthrax is snowed in at the Bundy's]
- Anthrax Band Member: "Let's get there early," you said. "For once, let's be responsible," you said. "That dog won't take a whiz on my guitar," you said.
- Anthrax Band Member: I'm not so sure it was the dog, Mr. Two-Six-Packs-of-Malt-Liquor.
- Bud Bundy: Well, here's a little game I know that can break the ice at any party. We say our first names and then the name of an animal that begins with the same letter. I'll go first. Bud... Bear. Go on.
- Anthrax Band Member: Dan... Bite me!
- Kelly Bundy: Did you get us anything good from Florida?
- Al Bundy: Well, we didn't have much money, so we got the only thing we could afford. It's out on the porch.
- [Al opens the door and Edd enters]
- Edd Byrnes: Hey, kids. Hey, uh, as soon as I bring in the rest of your bags, I got a treat for you.
- [gives Bud and Kelly each a comb]
- Edd Byrnes: Yep. Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb.
- [Edd chuckles as he walks back outside]
- Kelly Bundy: Who's he?
- Al Bundy: That's Kookie. Your mother said she'd walk and feed him, but you know the first rainy night who's gonna be doing it.
- Al Bundy: By the way, who are those guys out on the stoop?
- Kelly Bundy: Oh, that's the band Anthrax. They... They ate Mom's mystery pack, so the Environmental Protection Agency quarantined them to our house for six months.