- [the movie title "Sheos" appears on the screen]
- Bud Bundy: Sheos?
- Kelly Bundy: Shoes! Remember, "e" before "o" except before "e-i e-i o".
- Marshall: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the world premiere of the film 'Shoes'.
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: Boo! Hiss! Boooooo!
- Marshall: 'Shoes' is a taught and gripping short film told in the Andy Warhol tradition of film making.
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: Oh, please! Even he made junk films better than this!
- Marshall: Will the gentleman in the third row please sit down and stop heckling!
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: They gave you $10,000? See, this is exactly why I'm a republican.
- Al Bundy: Really? And I thought it was because of the drinking and the wife-swapping-parties.
- Al Bundy: Shoe News is the only publication that reaches the entire shoe community... well, that and Big 'Uns.
- Kelly Bundy: Hey, guys.
- [carries in mounted movie camera marked 'Property of F Troop']
- Kelly Bundy: Guess what we're doing down at the Larry Storch School of Acting?
- Bud Bundy: Merging with the Sloppy White School of Acting?
- Kelly Bundy: Oh, Bud, you're home. I didn't see your Big Wheels parked out in the driveway. Anyway, Larry gave us this great assignment. I get to make a movie.
- Peggy Bundy: Hmm.
- Bud Bundy: Do the words 'does Dallas' appear anywhere in the titles?
- Kelly Bundy: Aren't you late for your nightly lurk around the newsstands or something?
- [Bud worriedly checks his watch]
- Kelly Bundy: Anyway, Larry says that it's as good to be behind as well as in front.
- [Bud scowls disapprovingly at her]
- Kelly Bundy: Of the *camera*! But I can't start my movie until I have an idea. Hey, Daddy, do you know anything?
- Al Bundy: I know that Luke Ventura is in Shoe News and I'm not. I should be there and he should be here being your Daddy.
- Bud Bundy: There is no shot at that, is there, Mom?
- [Peggy shakes her head]
- Kelly Bundy: Come on, Daddy, you have to know something else.
- Al Bundy: Pumpkin, I don't have *time* to know anything else. It's a full-time job just keeping the tears in my head!
- Peggy Bundy: [to Bud] Now we're a two-job no-income family.
- Kelly Bundy: I've gotta find an idea for my movie.
- Al Bundy: Movie! That's it! That will get me into Shoe News! A movie about shoes!
- Kelly Bundy: [straining her brain] If only I had an idea...
- Al Bundy: [leaning against the movie camera] If only I had a camera!
- Peggy Bundy: If only I had a hammer!
- Kelly Bundy: Excuse me, Mrs. Darcy, but our shoe movie is not stupid. It is genius. We even entered it in the Hammond, Indiana Film Festival. It's gonna be the biggest show this family ever had since Benny and Barry White.
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: Wait a minute! That Film Festival is sponsored by the National Endowment for the Arts!
- Al Bundy: They're offering ten thousand dollars for the best film. Which will be ours!
- [Kelly nods proudly]
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: Al! Those grants were intended for starving, destitute artists!
- Al Bundy: [shrugs] Well, we are starving!
- Kelly Bundy: But I'm not a destitute. I've never taken money from...
- Al Bundy: Guard the film, pumpkin!
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: Look, Al, I'll grant you the NEA has done some silly things in the past, but no way
- [shakes her head]
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: no how will they accept a *ridiculous" movie about shoes!