- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: Pushing around 18 year olds. What will you do next?
- Steve Rhoades: I don't know. Maybe I'll look at our wedding photos trying to find your breasts.
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: Well, you're gonna have to try really hard because they're hidden under your gorgeous cousins' hands!
- Peggy Bundy: [taking Bud and April's picture] Say toes.
- April Adams, Bud Bundy: Toes.
- April Adams: Why toes?
- Peggy Bundy: Well, in Wanker County, that's where cheese comes from.
- Bud Bundy: April, please choose me. Before I met you, a hot date was when one of my rubber women got her thigh stuck on a radiator.
- Nikolai Pushkin: In Chechnya, we cannot afford rubber woman. What I did was I draw happy face on an inner tube.
- Bud Bundy: Hey, I don't blame you. I've seen Russian women!
- [Nikolai rises from his chair and Bud follows suit only to face a hulking six-foot tall against his small frame]
- Bud Bundy: [intimidated] As long as you say you're sorry.
- April Adams: Nikolai, your warm kisses make me sear.
- Bud Bundy: What about my kisses? They sear. Just ask anyone. Ask...
- Nikolai Pushkin: Your mother?
- Bud Bundy: Let's do it, punk!
- [Bud rises from his chair, and Nikolai follows suit only to have the short Bud facing the hulking six-foot tall Nikolai]
- Bud Bundy: [intimidated] I... accept your apology.
- Nikolai Pushkin: I just found out that my girl of my dreams is going to Spring Formal with another guy. What should I do?
- Oliver Cole: You should forget about her, Nikolai. You're the biggest hunk in Chicago. You should be packing more panties than a clerk at Victoria's Secret.
- Steve Rhoades: So these are your radicals? I don't hear anyone chanting "Attica, Attica"!
- Stoner: Attica! Attica!
- [first lines]
- April Adams: [as TV set goes "blub"] Uh, Bud, I thought you said tonight was going to be special. All we've done is watch bass-fishing.
- Bud Bundy: April, this is special. This is Bass-a-Palooza.
- [gives up]
- Bud Bundy: Okay, I admit it. I had another reason for asking you here tonight.
- [gets up, takes her hand]
- Bud Bundy: Will you go with me Friday to the spring formal at Trumaine?
- April Adams: [big smile] That will be great.
- Bud Bundy: [turns away from her] You don't have to apologize. I know...
- [turns around in surprise]
- Bud Bundy: You'll go?
- April Adams: Yeah.
- Bud Bundy: But why?
- April Adams: Bud, I've liked you from the first time you walked up to my window at Mrs. Darcy"s bank. I could tell you weren't one of those jerks who carries a roll of quarters in their front pockets just to impress me.
- Bud Bundy: How immature.
- [drops the roll of quarters from his front pocket]
- Peggy Bundy: [back from restaurant] Now, Al, don't go to sleep. Remember our deal. When you get beef, I get beef.
- Al Bundy: [plaintive voice] Honey, when you get beef, I get the heebie-jeebies.
- Bud Bundy: April, please choose me. I'm tired of sitting at home on Saturday nights moaning in two different voices so my sister won't tease me!