Married... with Children (TV Series)

Ride Scare (1994)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bud : Dad, I made the Dean's list!

  Al : Son, I wish you could've been around when I was younger, of course I probably wouldn't have let you hang out with me. When we had one hand on the woman, and one hand on the wheel, and one hand on the stick. That's what I liked about the old days, we... had more hands!

• [a police siren is heard in the background] 

  Monique : Oh, no the police! What did we do?

  Al : Oh, I don't know. Maybe we missed the truck scale.

  [Alexis, Monique and Paulina all look at Al with resentment] 

  Al : But on the good side, at least they'll get me out of here before I turn into a diamond!

• Alexis : So, do you always go to work wearing a suit and smelling of High Karate?

  Al : No, do you always go to work wearing curtains and smelling of Mars bars?

• Al : So, they tell me you girls are models for Victoria Secret.

  Paulina : We are.

  Alexis : We're Victoria's "big" secret.

  Al : Well, Victoria couldn't keep a secret this big.

  Monique : It's a new line of lingerie for the full-figured woman, 'cause you know what they say: "you're never too big to be sexy".

  Al : You know who says that? Fat girls.

• Monique : Sounds to me like you're full of self-hate Mr. Bundy.

  Al : Well, at least I'm full.

• Alderman Johnson : I'm sorry for asking, but are you car pooling with these ladies?

  Al : [sarcastic]  No, I'm their lunch!

• Al Bundy : A man's car is his castle.

  Peggy Bundy : Oh, I thought a man's home was his castle.

  Al Bundy : It is if he can slay the dragon that's living there.

• Naomi : My name is Naomi and I'm with Victoria's Secret.

  Al Bundy : Oh, I love your work.

  Naomi : I know. I've seen you face prints on the window.

• Peggy Bundy : I'm his wife.

  Al Bundy : It's a marriage of convenience. Unfortunately not mine.