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"Married... with Children" Scared Single (TV Episode 1993) Poster

Quotes

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Heidi: Mr. Bundy, where it says "Name", do you want mine?

Al: Uh no, just a simple naked photo will do.

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Al Bundy: Peg. Bud. Man, do I have good news!

Peggy Bundy: Al, aren't you forgetting someone?

[a delirious Kelly sits quietly on the couch]

Al Bundy: Aw, Peg! She's nuts!

Peggy Bundy: Nuts or not, she is still our daughter.

Al Bundy: Oh, all right, Peg!

[to Kelly]

Al Bundy: Hi, Pumpkin.

[Kelly doesn't answer]

Al Bundy: Isn't that cute? I used to call her Pumpkin, now she is one.

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[first lines]

Billy Ray Wetnap: Hi... I'm Billy Ray Wetnap, from Pest Boys Exterminators. Where our motto is, "There's no bug we can't plug."

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Billy Ray Wetnap: Well, it looks like our very own Verminator's in a little bit of trouble. But you won't be, if you call Manny, me, or Ma at Pest Boys Exterminators. Call 1-800-LEGS-UP. Where our motto is, "If you wish it, we will squish it."

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Al: I've seen her from the front, I've seen her from the back. / I've seen her in a chair, I've seen her in a sack. / I've seen her stand, I've seen her crouch. / I've seen her on her stupid couch. / I do not like her in the mall, I do not like her in the hall. / I do not like her in my life, I do not like my big red wife.

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Al: The job has already been filled by someone far more qualified.

Heidi: Mr. Bundy, where it says "Date", do you want his name or where we went?

Al: That's Heidi. She's dumb as toast, but I'd kill for her. And I'd start with you.

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[Al comes home from work and sits beside Peggy sitting on the living room couch watching TV as usual]

Al: Hi, Peg.

[to the TV set]

Al: Hi, Oprah.

[to Peggy]

Al: You know, Peg, I made a mistake. This morning, before I left here, I thought that all women were totally useless. Now I realize it was just you. I thought that all men were destined to marry the worst possible mate, but now I realize it was just me.

Peggy Bundy: Oh, hi Al. I didn't hear you. I was watching Oprah.

Al: That's alright, Peg. I was talking to Oprah. But you know what I'm going to do now, Peg? I'm going to live the life I should've had, vicariously through Aaron. I'm going to live my sports life through him. I'm going to have dinner through him. And, if he'll let me, I'm even going to have sex through him.

Peggy Bundy: Oh, hi Al. I didn't hear you. I was watching Oprah.

Al: If only Oprah were on when I said "I do".

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Al Bundy: Al Bundy: all class, all the time.

Aaron: Wait a second. Al Bundy, the All-State Al Bundy?

Al Bundy: I was.

Aaron: I thought you died in 'Nam.

Al Bundy: Well, uh, actually, I, uh, started that rumor. See, I died here at home, victim of Agent Red.

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Peggy Bundy: Al, there's something strange on your face.

Al: It's called smile, Peg. But don't worry. I'm not taking it home with me.

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Aaron: Al Bundy, do you know what a hero you are to me?

Al Bundy: I presume you're referring to my four touchdowns in one game.

Aaron: That and the four holes you drilled into the walls of the girls' locker room.

Al Bundy: For years, I didn't think women had heads.

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Billy Ray Wetnap: Our very own Verminator has volunteered to get into this glass cage with ten thousand Peruvian stingin' beetles.

Kelly Bundy: Stinging beetles? You said they were going to be ladybugs.

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Billy Ray Wetnap: Now the reason that the Peruvian stingin' beetle is so large is that 80% of his body weight is pure-d-venom. They don't even lose their stingers like them sissified African killer bees.

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Bud Bundy: It says right here, the Peruvian beetle sting can cause temporary insanity, but on the bright side, it has a delightful mating call and stays crunchy in milk.

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Jefferson D'Arcy: Look Marcy, I don't know the first thing about selling shoes.

Woman at Shoe Store: Is this the right color for me?

Jefferson D'Arcy: Absolutely. It brings out the violet in your eyes.

Woman at Shoe Store: I'll take 12.

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Men at the mall lounge: [singing] My wife will never cook or clean/ Still my money's spent/ Who knew when I first chose my mate/ That she would put on *that* much weight/ More sex we'd like for sure/ If it only weren't with her/ Please K-I-L-L K-I-L-L me me me.

Al Bundy: That's the marryin' man's fight song, son. Well, that and Taps.

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[after an encounter with stinging insects whose venom causes mild insanity, Kelly is sitting on the couch, staring straight ahead]

Bud Bundy: [on the phone with Peg] Well, the doctor said she seems to be fine.

Kelly Bundy: [shouting] The pods! The pods! They're opening!

[British accent]

Kelly Bundy: Is that you, Napoleon?

[Southern accent]

Kelly Bundy: No, Rhett, it's me, and mark my words, the South shall rise again.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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