Married... with Children (TV Series)

Take My Wife, Please (1993)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• [the hooded Grim Reaper materialized before Al] 

  Al Bundy : How'd you do that?

  The Grim Reaper : I'm Death. That's the first thing they teach you in Death School. Got to have a gimmick.

  [Al puts his hand on the hooded figure, and it goes right through the non-corporeal Grim Reaper] 

  Al Bundy : Hey, you are Death!

  The Grim Reaper : OOOOOH, you found my G-spot.

• The Grim Reaper : Any time between now and midnight, if any member of your family says that they need you in any way, I'll let you live.

  Al Bundy : All my family has to do is say that they need me?

  The Grim Reaper : That's right.

  Al Bundy : Just once?

  The Grim Reaper : Just once.

  Al Bundy : ...I'll get my suitcase.

• Al Bundy : Suppose my family lets me down. Do you have any idea where I might be going after I die?

  The Grim Reaper : Well, you might want to bring along a lot of sunblock lotion. SPF: one million.

  Al Bundy : What?

  The Grim Reaper : I'm just kidding. Maybe...

• Al Bundy : Yes, maybe I have called for Death once or twice, or a hundred times, but it's just something that you say that you don't actually mean, you know, like "How ya doin'" or "I love you".

  The Grim Reaper : I knew it! Another weenie turning yellow in the face of eternal darkness. You know, you people make me sick. I didn't have this hard a time with Elvis.

  Al Bundy : Then Elvis really is...

  The Grim Reaper : Oh, please! It took six of us to get him out of there. We had to take the bathroom door off the hinges, slipping on Ho-Ho's all the way. You wouldn't lick the back of his postage stamp if you'd seen what I saw.

• Al Bundy : Oh, please don't take me! Take somebody who deserves it like Michael Bolton, or whoever wrote that "Facts of Life" theme.