- [Installing a satellite dish]
- Jefferson: Let's see here, I got bracket S and washer T. Hey, Dan, hand me screw U.
- Officer Dan: What?
- Jefferson: I said screw U.
- Officer Dan: [Drawing gun] Up yours!
- Peggy Bundy: Al, I don't understand why you have to take me with you when you go out to buy new underwear for yourself.
- Al Bundy: Well, you're the one that has to look at them when you wash them.
- Peggy Bundy: I don't look at them, and I don't wash them. I just... dry them.
- Kelly Bundy: Bud, you are the worst agent in the entire world and the state of Chicago.
- Bud Bundy: Uh, Kelly...
- Kelly Bundy: How could you send me out on a Depends commercial? You told me that it was for lingerie.