Married... with Children (TV Series)

Un-Alful Entry (1993)

Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Al is on trial for assault] 

  Kelly : Your Honor, I'm here to defend my daddy. D is for daddy. A... is for daddy. D is for daddy, Y is for daddy, I is for daddy, WE is for daddy. The defense breasts!

  Al : Uh, Your Honor, if there is a valid lawsuit here, it should be Bundy vs. the Board of Education, because she actually graduated high school!

• Al : Yes, yes, yes, I am an American hero. And in the grand tradition of American heroes, I will hawk more products than Bill Cosby... when he was hot.

• Al : Oh hello, Officer, did you mistake our house for a donut shop?

  Officer Dan : Obviously not. There's only one of me.

• Al : Hey, this is my house. I don't let the bank in here and they own the place.

• Al : So for hitting this guy I get charged $50,000 which I don't have? Well, hell, I may as well go for a hundred.

  [punches him a second time] 

• Al : If a man comes into my house, he's better be carrying a summons or a pizza.

• Al : Oh that's great, now I won't fall asleep again. Well I guess I'll try what worked for my dad when I was a kid, countin' hooters. 2, 4, 6, 8, oop, no wait a minute, twins, 12, 14, 16...

• Al : [to Bud, as Bud is going upstairs]  Son, always remember: you have two hands.