- Martha Dudley: You know, Mr. Baxter, you look very familiar to me?
- Ted Baxter: Oh, you've probably seen me on television.
- Martha Dudley: No, I don't watch television - I have a fireplace.
- Ted Baxter: [Ted decides to 'educate' Lou in biology and dating. Ted puts a 'friendly' arm around Lou] Lou, there are 2 types of people in this world; there are men, and there are women. You with me so far, big fella?
- Lou Grant: [Grumbling] I'm with you
- Ted Baxter: Now: men have certain needs; basic, animal needs -
- [Ted starts using his deep 'announcer voice']
- Ted Baxter: - ugly needs, that can only be satisfied by...
- Lou Grant: Women?
- Ted Baxter: Exactly Now these needs are nothing to be ashamed of, Lou; you have them. I have them -
- [said in Ted's deep, 'announcer' voice]
- Ted Baxter: even president Nixon has them
- [Lou turns to scowl at Ted]
- Ted Baxter: He really does, Lou. Now; it isn't normal for these needs to go unsatisfied. It isn't normal -
- [whispered]
- Ted Baxter: isn't healthy. So; whaddya say, Lou?
- Lou Grant: I say Nixon should take Mrs Dudley to that dinner.
- Lou Grant: [Lou's just arrived at Mary's, and hae just been introduced to Mrs Dudley. He's excused himself to talk privately with Mary in the kitchen] Hello, Mary.
- Mary Richards: Your drink, Mr Grant.
- Lou Grant: [Smiling and speaking in a facetious tone of voice] Thank you, Mary. To a long life, Mary.
- Mary Richards: Mr Grant, I am just... so sorry.
- Lou Grant: [Speaking in an insincere tone] Please, there is no need to apologise. It's not your fault. All I said to you was, 'get me a date'. I didn't specify what kind of a date.
- [Smiling Insincerely]
- Lou Grant: How were you to know that I wanted somebody under 90?
- Mary Richards: Mr Grant, won't you please let me explain? You see, there are 2 'Mrs Dudley's'.
- Lou Grant: Mary, there are
- [emphasis]
- Lou Grant: thousands of Mrs Dudleys. Why this Mrs Dudley?
- Mary Richards: Mr. Grant, why don't you take someone to the dinner?
- Lou Grant: I don't want to.
- Mary Richards: Why not? You already paid for two dinners.
- Lou Grant: Okay then, I'll eat two dinners.
- Lou Grant: Sure, if she can get a date, I can get a date.
- Mary Richards: Of course you can.
- Lou Grant: Mary, get me a date.