- Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: [reading a letter] Now, Luella would like a doll like Dorothy Lamour...
- Harrison Bell: Who wouldn't? She'll have to settle for a McHale doll with brass diapers.
- Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: ...and send Samlou a sled.
- Ensign Charles Parker: Well, we had to fake that, Skip. How about this, though? A Flexible Flyer surfboard!
- Captain Wallace B. Binghamton: Where are the underprivileged tykes? I've got a speech to read to them.
- Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: Captain it's time to get rid of your frown and smile, smile.
- Captain Wallace B. Binghamton: McHale don't tell me to smile. I'm your superior officer. I'll be unhappy if I want to.
- [the crew of P.T. 73 is rescued from the Japanese due to the timely arrival of an American cruiser]
- Lt. Commander Quinton McHale: There is a Santa Claus!