- Ursula Gooding: [cruelly to April] He has a pick of all the women in the village. Why would he bother with you?
- Ron Chalk: Hey, do you have to flaunt yourself in front of every horny bastard who comes into this pub?
- Ruth Chalk: I do not flaunt myself. I'm just being me, that's all.
- Grace Starkey: Why have you never married?
- Dr. Wellow: [takes a drag on his marijuana joint] Not my idea of a healthy lifestyle.
- John Starkey: [to Ruth] I don't mind sharing you with your husband, but I won't share you with anyone else.
- Grace Starkey: [to John] You're not as funny as you think you are. You don't really make people laugh. Oh, they like to laugh AT you. They like doin' that. You see, you're not really the joker... you're the joke.
- [first lines]
- Voice: You know you've got to do it. She'd want that, wouldn't she? You know she would. So, now's the time, isn't it? You must do it now, for her sake. You know she's waiting for you. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting for you to join her. So don't keep her waiting too long. Waiting. Waiting for you to join her. Do it now. Do it now.
- DC Ben Jones: She died of natural causes, sir, or do you think we've got some seriously dodgy doctor on our hands?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Well, he's not like any doctor I've ever known, and he knows much more than he's told us.
- April Gooding: [in her girl scout-type uniform] Afternoon, doctor.
- Dr. Wellow: Oh, hello, April. Now, I *do* like a girl in uniform.
- Ruth Chalk: So what are you doing for the carnival procession this year, Doctor?
- Dr. Wellow: Nothing. But if you want to go as Lady Godiva, I'll be Peeping Tom. I'd like that.
- Ruth Chalk: My hair's too short.
- Dr. Wellow: It's not your hair I'll be looking at.