- Jeremy Brown: Danielle, give me three plays by Shakespeare...
- Danielle Favre: "Romeo and Juliet." "As You Like It."
- Jeremy Brown: One more...
- Danielle Favre: I don't know any more.
- Jeremy Brown: What, not one?
- Danielle Favre: Non...
- Jeremy Brown: I'll give you a clue: "King..."
- Danielle Favre: "Kong!"
- [Juan pounds his chest with approval]
- Miss Courtney: [about Mr Brown] How could he break his leg by missing just one step?
- Juan Cervantes: [pointing to a long flight of stairs] Step he miss, top step...
- [Juan pays a visit to Mr Brown in the hospital]
- Juan Cervantes: Hey, Buenos Dias!
- Jeremy Brown: Go away.
- Danielle Favre: [concerned] What is it Juan?
- Juan Cervantes: [groaning] I am going to be sick.
- Giovanni Cupello: [shocked] Holy ravioli! you've changed your religion! Hey, the Pope's not going to like that!
- Ranjeet Singh: I am welcoming you like a brother, but first you must be wearing the turban.
- Juan Cervantes: What's the matter, you all crazy? I am sick in my stomach.
- [pulls out thermometer]
- Juan Cervantes: I am going to see if I have fever.
- Chung Su-Lee: China first invent telephone, television, radio, refrigerators, and discover penicillin, radium, and lots of other things.
- Jeremy Brown: Rubbish!
- Chung Su-Lee: No! China not invent rubbish!
- Chung Su-Lee: You are not yourself tonight.
- Ali Nadim: Of course he is himself. Who else could he be?
- Anna Schmidt: Don't be fool. Su-Lee means something is wrong.
- Jeremy Brown: So tonight I'm going to ask each of you to pick one of the ten subjects I have written on the blackboard. And I shall ask you a few questions on them. Fairly straight forward, music, British history, the royal family, poetry, Shakespeare, etc, all right? Now who is going to start the ball rolling?
- Ali Nadim: We aren't having a ball to be rolling in everywhere.
- Jeremy Brown: Who is known as the father of television?
- Ali Nadim: Eamonn Andrews.
- Jeremy Brown: Logie Baird.
- Ali Nadim: Oh blimey. I'm seeing him last night with his little friend Boo-Boo.
- Jeremy Brown: That's Yogi Bear. I'm talking about Logie Baird, the man who invented television.
- Ali Nadim: Sorry, please.
- Jeremy Brown: How much is a television license?
- Ali Nadim: I am not knowing. I never buy one.
- Jeremy Brown: I hope you realize you can get a serious trouble for not having a license.
- Ali Nadim: Please tell me something, that money for a license is for BBC, yes?
- Jeremy Brown: Yes.
- Ali Nadim: Then I am jolly OK. I only watch ITV.
- Jeremy Brown: What function does the mace have in the House of Commons?
- Taro Nagazumi: They have the mace...
- Jeremy Brown: Yes?
- Taro Nagazumi: To eat the cheese.
- Jeremy Brown: That's mice.
- Jeremy Brown: Who is Shakespeare's wife?
- Danielle Favre: Mrs Shakespeare.
- Jeremy Brown: Very clever, but what was her maiden name?
- Danielle Favre: I do not know.
- Jeremy Brown: Anne Hathaway.
- Jeremy Brown: What is the capital of England?
- Ranjeet Singh: E.
- Jeremy Brown: I'll rephrase that. What is the capital city of England?
- Ranjeet Singh: London.
- Jeremy Brown: Can you name three English counties?
- Ranjeet Singh: Oh dear me. I am not knowing any English counties.
- Jeremy Brown: Not one?
- Ranjeet Singh: No. The only English county I am knowing is the Count of Monte Cristo.
- Jeremy Brown: That's Count.
- Ranjeet Singh: Thousand apologies.
- Jeremy Brown: Who is known as the black prince?
- Chung Su-Lee: Muhammad Ali.
- Jeremy Brown: Edward, the son of Edward the Third.
- Jeremy Brown: The question is not about those sort of customs. It means the things we British do that are peculiar to us.
- Juan Cervantes: Ah! Speak English!
- Miss Courtney: First of all, can anyone tell me what first day of the week is.
- Jamila Ranjha: Sunny day.
- Miss Courtney: No, it is not sunny day.
- Jamila Ranjha: Rainy day?
- Miss Courtney: Sunday! Repeat it, please.
- Jamila Ranjha: It, please.
- Miss Courtney: Repeat the word "Sunday"!
- Jamila Ranjha: Sunday.
- Miss Courtney: Mr Nadim, name me two seasons.
- Ali Nadim: Salt and pepper.
- Miss Courtney: Those are seasonings! Now give me the names of two of the seasons of the year.
- Ali Nadim: Oh dear me.
- Miss Courtney: Anybody?
- Chung Su-Lee: Spling time.
- Miss Courtney: Sprrring time!
- Chung Su-Lee: Sprrring time.
- Miss Courtney: Now Mr Nadim, what comes after the spring time?
- Ali Nadim: Holiday time.
- Miss Courtney: Summer time!
- Ali Nadim: Jolly good.
- Miss Courtney: Mr Papandrious.
- Maximillian Papandrious: Yes, Miss Courtney.
- Maximillian Papandrious: I don't suppose you can give me the name of any other sort of current.
- Maximillian Papandrious: Sure, black current!
- Miss Courtney: I am talking about electricity. AC is alternating current. DC is direct current.
- Miss Courtney: Mr Nagazumi.
- Taro Nagazumi: Ah so!
- Miss Courtney: What would it signify if I said you were a dog in a manger?
- Taro Nagazumi: Would seem you are crazy in the head.
- Miss Courtney: I beg your pardon!
- Taro Nagazumi: I am man-o, not dog-o!
- Miss Courtney: You are also rather stupid!
- Miss Courtney: Miss Schmidt.
- Anna Schmidt: Ya.
- Miss Courtney: You are on a train going to Glasgow.
- Anna Schmidt: Why am I going to Glasgow?
- Miss Courtney: It doesn't matter why. You want to sleep on the train. What would you ask for?
- Anna Schmidt: A bed.
- Miss Courtney: You would have a birth in the sleeping car.
- Anna Schmidt: Nein.
- Miss Courtney: Beg your pardon?
- Anna Schmidt: How can I have a birth if I'm not pregnant?
- Miss Courtney: Are you serious?
- Anna Schmidt: Ya, I save myself for when I meet Mr Right.
- Miss Courtney: For your information, Miss Schmidt, a berth, b-e-r-t-h, is the name given to a bed on a ship or a train.
- Anna Schmidt: It sure be good. You must think I am very stupid.
- Miss Courtney: That is the most sensible remark I have heard in this classroom so far!
- Miss Courtney: Mademoiselle Favre.
- Danielle Favre: Oui, Mademoiselle Courtney.
- Miss Courtney: Where is St Paul's?
- Danielle Favre: St Paul's what?
- Miss Courtney: St Paul's Cathedral!
- Danielle Favre: I do not know. It is somewhere in London, I think.
- Miss Courtney: It is in Ludgate Circus. Have you ever been to Ludgate Circus?
- Danielle Favre: No, but I have been to Bismarck's Circus!
- Juan Cervantes: Si señor, I pick subject.
- Jeremy Brown: There's only one left. It's Hobson's choice.
- Juan Cervantes: Not Hobson's choice. British cumtoms.
- Miss Courtney: Mr Cervantes.
- Juan Cervantes: Si señora.
- Miss Courtney: What do the letters AC mean?
- Juan Cervantes: Por favor?
- Miss Courtney: What does AC mean?
- Juan Cervantes: Four.
- Miss Courtney: AC has nothing to do with four.
- Juan Cervantes: Sure, AC spade, AC heart, AC diamond, and AC the other one!
- Miss Courtney: AC means alternating current.
- Juan Cervantes: We bring you some flowers.
- Jeremy Brown: Ah well, you shouldn't have spent money on flowers for me.
- Juan Cervantes: I don't spend money. We already bought them for your funeral.
- Giovanni Cupello: I just speak the English so good, nobody knows I am Italian.
- Miss Courtney: I find it very hard to believe.
- Giovanni Cupello: You see! Even you don't know!
- Juan Cervantes: Hello! Would you please tell me how is Mr Brown?
- Sister: Mr Brown? Could I have the Christian name, please?
- Juan Cervantes: Sure, Juan.
- Sister: Juan... Is this Spanish?
- Juan Cervantes: No no no no no. I am Spanish!
- Sister: I see. Juan is Spanish for John, isn't it?
- Juan Cervantes: Si señora.
- Sister: Would you hold on for a moment, please.
- Juan Cervantes: Si si.
- Sister: Brown John... Are you a relative?
- Juan Cervantes: No no, just a friend.
- Sister: Well, I'm afraid I have some rather bad news for you.
- Juan Cervantes: You mean Mr Brown is worst?
- Sister: He had a heart attack during the night.
- Juan Cervantes: Oh Santa Maria! You mean Mr Brown is dead!