- Wilbur Post: Carol, I take it that you don't like your new present?
- Carol Post: Wilbur, I like listening to music the same as you do. But that stereo isn't a personal gift. It's more of a house gift.
- Wilbur Post: Well, if you don't want it, just say that you don't want it. That's all you have to say. If you don't want it just say "sweetheart, I don't want it." No, that's all that...
- Carol Post: [cutting him off; rude tone] Sweetheart, I don't want it!
- Wilbur Post: [caught off-guard] Uh... see? That wasn't so hard.
- Mister Ed: Wilbur, is it true? Did Carol really leave you?
- Wilbur Post: Yep. She left this morning to go home to her father just because of the stereo I bought.
- Mister Ed: If it makes you feel any better, I learned how to sew.
- Wilbur Post: Thanks Ed, but you could never take Carol's place.
- Mister Ed: Why not? I'm more loveable.
- Wilbur Post: Ed, a wife is a wife and a horse is a horse.
- Mister Ed: Well, have you ever heard of someone say "my kingdom for a wife"?
- Wilbur Post: The Duke of Windsor.