Monarch of the Glen (TV Series)

Episode #1.4 (2000)

Alastair Mackenzie: Archie MacDonald

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Archie : Hello.

  Xavier : Oh, sorry, I... I was, uh, just driving down. I stopped to admire the view.

  Archie : Ah, so you must have seen the sign on the main road.

  Xavier : Sign?

  Archie : Glenbogle Bed and Breakfast.

  Xavier : Bed and Breakfast. Times have changed around here.

• Xavier : I actually wrote a paper on ancient highland laws and customs. I never came across that one about the grazing rights.

  Archie : Oh, yes, an extremely ancient one that I just made up.

  Xavier : Ah, that would explain it.

• Duncan McKay : That man Xavier, he's looking for an heir to the Ballantine Estate. I saw his papers upstairs.

  Archie : And you just accidentally happened to read them? I asked you to fix his window, Duncan, not turn his room over.

  Duncan McKay : I couldn't help it. I saw the name. Ballantine. That's my granny's name.

  Archie : Oh, so that makes you Duke of the Highlands, I suppose?

  Duncan McKay : Maybe. Eventually.

  Archie : Well, before you head off to the palace, could I have the keys to the Land Rover, please?

  Lexie McTavish : Oh, they're in his other cloak. The one with the ermine collar.

  Duncan McKay : She needs new plugs, but you should be okay.

  Archie : Cheers.

  Lexie McTavish : I suppose from now on you'll be traveling in a sedan chair, borne by comely and compliant maidens.

  Duncan McKay : You volunteering?

  Lexie McTavish : You need to lose some weight first. Starting off with that fat head.

  Duncan McKay : Oh, go ahead. Mock.

  Lexie McTavish : Don't worry, I will.