Monk (TV Series)
Mr. Monk Goes to the Circus (2003)
Bitty Schram: Sharona Fleming
Quotes
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Sharona Fleming : Oh, suck it up.
Adrian Monk : I don't think it's my turn to suck it up. I think it's your turn to suck it up.
Benjy Fleming : Why don't you both suck it up?
Sharona Fleming : Excuse me! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Benjy Fleming : No.
Sharona Fleming : Well, you should. Come here.
-
Sharona Fleming : You okay?
Adrian Monk : Not really in my comfort zone here.
Sharona Fleming : You have a comfort zone?
Adrian Monk : Yes, I have a comfort zone.
Sharona Fleming : I've never seen a comfort zone.
Adrian Monk : It's not very big. It's, uh, it's kinda
[gestures with hands]
Adrian Monk : ...small. I, I don't have a comfort zone.
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Sharona Fleming : If you know who did it, why didn't you go to the police?
Adrian Monk : Because she was afraid. You're not a citizen yet, but you're about to take your naturalization test, and you didn't want to draw attention to herself.
Ariana Dakkar : How did you know that?
Adrian Monk : The pamphlet in your bag. You're studying the U.S. Constitution, something no citizen would ever do. Good luck, by the way.
Ariana Dakkar : Thank you, Mr. Monk.
-
Adrian Monk : Ahem. She missed the net?
Lt. Randall Disher : She never used a net.
Adrian Monk : She go to the hospital?
Lt. Randall Disher : No, she's a Romani gypsy. They don't believe in doctors. She set the bone herself.
Adrian Monk : So she never saw a doctor, which means a doctor never saw her. Captain.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : All right, Monk. Lieutenant, see if our Queen of the Sky will consent to an X-ray.
Lt. Randall Disher : Fine.
[walks out of the room, visibly unhappy at Monk]
Adrian Monk : Thank you.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : You're welcome.
[Monk offers his bottle of Sierra Springs over to Sharona, who just glares at him]
Adrian Monk : You want to finish it?
[Stottlemeyer walks up to the pair and tries to give them some advice. He takes the offered bottle Monk is still holding out with a sarcastic face to Sharona. Monk listens to the captain but rolls his eyes, and keeps his tongue]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : You know, when Karen and I were having trouble last year, we went to a marriage counselor, a guy named Mosely. Decent guy. He didn't help us much, but I'm sure Karen has the number if you'd like it.
Sharona Fleming : We're not married, and if we ever get married, shoot me!
Adrian Monk : You know who you should never marry? The Elephant Man!
Sharona Fleming : I'd marry the Elephant Man before I married you!
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Adrian Monk : [Making instant cocoa] Is this a dollop?
Sharona Fleming : What?
Adrian Monk : A dollop. It says, ''Add one dollop of whipped cream.''
Sharona Fleming : I dunno. I think a dollop's like a teaspoon.
Adrian Monk : Yeah. It doesn't say teaspoon. It says, 'Dollop.'
Sharona Fleming : It doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be exact. It's like a pinch.
Adrian Monk : How many pinches to a dollop?
Sharona Fleming : I don't know.
Adrian Monk : Or maybe it's more like a schmear. Wait. It's like three pinches to a schmear... or... Ach! Forget it! Let's make something else.
Sharona Fleming : What? You're throwing it out!
Adrian Monk : Nobody can make this cocoa. The recipe's impossible.
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Adrian Monk : [looking at Nikolai Petroff, who is about to be questioned] A leopard and panther wrangler.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yep, he works with the leopards and the panthers, and he's got a .454 Ruger Casull handgun, which he says he can't find.
Lt. Randall Disher : He had the hots for the horse trainer the vic was seeing. And get this - he's a trapeze artist wannabe. He's been practicing. They say he's pretty good.
[Randy takes a sip of his coffee]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : And that's how we spell primary suspect.
Adrian Monk : Hmm. He's left-handed.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Well, yeah, he works in the circus.
Adrian Monk : What's that supposed to mean?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : They're freaks. They're all ambidextrous.
Adrian Monk : Says who?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Circus people are ambidextrous. I read that somewhere.
Adrian Monk : I like the ex-wife. You should have seen her. She's cold as ice.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Cold as ice with a broken foot.
Adrian Monk : She's got a bad temper.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : A bad temper with a broken foot.
Adrian Monk : You keep coming back to the foot.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Monk, the killer did a somersault, and then ran away in front of witnesses.
Adrian Monk : That's precisely why I think it's her. Why else would the killer jump around like that in front of witnesses?
[Sharona suddenly grabs his bottle of Sierra Springs]
Adrian Monk : There's only one reason - to prove...
[Suddenly, Adrian looks stunned as Sharona takes a big swig from his bottle]
Adrian Monk : ... prove that she could.
[She places it firmly back in his hand with a loud sigh of satisfaction, then wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. She glares at him]
Sharona Fleming : Suck it up!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Are you guys all right?
Adrian Monk : Yeah, we're fine.
Sharona Fleming : Fine.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Okay, as I was saying, she has a broken foot.
Adrian Monk : It's in a cast. We don't know if it's really broken.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : We haven't exactly been sleeping here, Monk. Lieutenant?
Lt. Randall Disher : Her story checks out. She broke her left foot two weeks ago in Kansas City.
[enter black and white flashback as Randy voices over]
Lt. Randall Disher : She always ended the show with something she called the triple tailspin.
[We see Natasia doing her tailspin, but missing the next performer and falling to the ground]
Lt. Randall Disher : You know, it's her specialty move. Anyway, she, uh, missed the bar or something and fell 25 feet, in front of 750 pretty freaked out people.
-
[Monk, Sharona, Stottlemeyer and Disher arrive at the Dratch & Denby Travelling Circus]
Lt. Randall Disher : Oh, wow! Dratch & Denby Circus. Founded in 1947. They do 400 shows a year in 65 different towns. Cool!
[a fireblower freaks Monk, who recoils a bit but then keeps on moving]
Lt. Randall Disher : Ha ha ha. Payroll, 240 people.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yeah and he's using the term "people" very loosely.
[a bearded lady and a weight-lifting woman walk past Stottlemeyer. Just then someone bangs into Sharona]
Sharona Fleming : Ooh! You okay?
Adrian Monk : I'm not really in my comfort zone here.
Sharona Fleming : You have a comfort zone?
Adrian Monk : Yes, I have a comfort zone.
[He jumps as a woman snake-charmer sticks a python in his face]
Sharona Fleming : I've never seen your comfort zone.
Adrian Monk : It's not very big. It's, uh...
[tries to size it up with his hands]
Adrian Monk : ... it's kind of small. I-I don't have a comfort zone.
Sharona Fleming : Where do we start?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Well, we follow the gun. There's a Ruger Casull handgun registered to an employee here.
Lt. Randall Disher : Yeah, his name's Nikolai Petroff. He's, uh, one of the animal trainers.
Adrian Monk : You go on ahead. We're going to poke around on our own.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : All right. Meet you back here in a bit, but stay out of trouble.
[Randy gets side-tracked by one of the carnival stalls where a kid is ready to shoot for a prize with a toy rifle. He asks to try it and the captain watches him in disbelief. The captain gets him to leave it alone]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Randy!
[Randy reluctantly walks away from the midway game]
-
Sharona Fleming : S I U. You know what that means?
Adrian Monk : Yes I know what it means.