Monk (TV Series)
Mr. Monk and the Billionaire Mugger (2002)
Ted Levine: Stottlemeyer
Photos
Quotes
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[Disher enters Stottlemeyer's office]
Lt. Randall Disher : Captain.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : You just missed the deputy commissioner. Guess what he wanted to talk about? Murder rates spiking? The Sidney Teal investigation? No. All he wanted to know was what we're doing about the runaway cop.
Lt. Randall Disher : Fraidy Cop.
[drops a newspaper on Stottlemeyer's desk, with the headline "Who Is Fraidy Cop?"]
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Excuse me?
Lt. Randall Disher : That's what they're calling him.
[pause]
Lt. Randall Disher : We, uh, sort of pieced together the route he took.
[He walks over to a blown up map. He sighs]
Lt. Randall Disher : I don't know. Okay.
[He pulls out a few pushpins]
Lt. Randall Disher : After the shooting, three people saw him running west towards the park here, and on 19th, here,
[puts a pushpin into an intersection on the map]
Lt. Randall Disher : He flagged down a taxi.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : He took a taxi?
Lt. Randall Disher : Yeah, it gets worse. He, uh, threw up in the backseat. But we did get his blood type from the vomit. The taxi then, uh, dropped him off at a bar up on Geary Street...
[puts another pushpin on the map]
Lt. Randall Disher : ... there, where he sat in a booth at the back, apparently drinking bourbon and crying.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : He was crying? Oh, dear Lord.
Lt. Randall Disher : About midnight, an older woman in a brown station wagon was seen picking him up. Possibly his mother.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : He called his mom?
Lt. Randall Disher : Yeah.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Well, that son of a bitch better hope I don't find him first.
[He looks at the cartographic sketch of Fraidy Cop on his desk]
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Adrian Monk : Captain! I see the circus is in town.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Oh, yes. It's gonna get a lot worse.
Sharona Fleming : Captain, Adrian wants to talk to you about our fee.
[Monk looks at Archie Modine, the shooter]
Adrian Monk : That the shooter?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yeah, Archie Modine. He's an ex-cop. He was second lieutenant in Palo Alto. I already checked him out. He was a straight up good cop. Now he's the head of security at CK Pharmaceuticals.
Sharona Fleming : Uh, Captain. About our fee, we want...
Adrian Monk : Sharona.
Sharona Fleming : We want to talk.
Adrian Monk : Sharona, please.
[to Stottlemeyer]
Adrian Monk : Walk me through it.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Well it's pretty routine till we get to the punch line. Modine and his date are walking to their car over here. The, uh, perp is over here. Now, the perp pops out with a knife. Modine pulls out his piece, .38 caliber. I already called. He's licensed.
[pause]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Bang. Bang. Bang. Three in the chest.
Adrian Monk : So I have just one question: What am I doing here?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Here comes the punch line: our perp... is Sidney Teal.
Sharona Fleming : The computer guy?
Adrian Monk : Get out of town.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Take a look.
[lifts up the canvas covering the late Sidney Teal]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : That's what $5 billion looks like.
Adrian Monk : Get out of town. What in God's name was he doing?
[Stottlemeyer puts Teal's false mustache in an evidence bag]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I think maybe, that this is how he got his kicks. I mean, that kind of money can make a person crazy.
Adrian Monk : Yeah, I wouldn't know.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yeah, right. Anyway, that's my theory. If you've got a better one, I'd really like to hear it.
Adrian Monk : Well...
Sharona Fleming : No. No. Captain, we can't start working until we talk about our fee.
Adrian Monk : Sharona, could you give me a second here?
[Sharona walks away]
Adrian Monk : You know, this is insane.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yeah, it's crazy. It gets crazier. Check this out.
[He uncovers Teal's leg]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : This guy's wearin' knee pads.
Adrian Monk : Kneepads?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yeah, and he's got elbowpads.
-
[Disher enters Stottlemeyer's office]
Disher : Captain.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : You just missed the deputy commissioner. Guess what he wanted to talk about? Murder rates spiking? The Sidney Teal investigation? No. All he wanted to know was what we're doing about the runaway cop.
Disher : Fraidy Cop.
[drops a newspaper on Stottlemeyer's desk, with the headline "Who Is Fraidy Cop?"]
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Excuse me?
Disher : That's what they're calling him.
[pause]
Disher : We, uh, sort of pieced together the route he took.
[He walks over to a blown up map. He sighs]
Disher : I don't know. Okay.
[He pulls out a few pushpins]
Disher : After the shooting, three people saw him running west towards the park here, and on 19th, here,
[puts a pushpin into an intersection on the map]
Disher : He flagged down a taxi.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : He took a taxi?
Disher : Yeah, it gets worse. He, uh, threw up in the backseat. But we did get his blood type from the vomit. The taxi then, uh, dropped him off at a bar upon Geary Street...
[puts another pushpin on the map]
Disher : ... there, where he sat in a booth at the back, apparently drinking bourbon and crying.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : He was crying? Oh, dear Lord.
Disher : About midnight, an older woman in a brown station wagon was seen picking him up. Possibly his mother.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : He called his mom?
Disher : Yeah.
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Well, that son of a bitch better hope I don't find him first.
[He looks at the cartographic sketch of Fraidy Cop on his desk]
-
[Stottlemeyer speaks at a press conference]
Capt. Stottlemeyer : Sidney Teal did not suffer a nervous breakdown. The incident on Harrison Place was, in fact, a crime of passion. We believe that Mr. Teal, was in fact trying to murder Mr. Modine, who was linked romantically at one time with Mr. Teal's wife, Myra. Over the next 10 days, the D.A.'s office is going to decide whether or not they want to press charges against Mr. Modine for filing a false report. Any questions?
Reporter : Captain, is there any news on Fraidy Cop?
Capt. Stottlemeyer : No comment.
Reporter : Captain, there's a story in today's Tribune that says the department knows the identity of Fraidy Cop, but is refusing to release it.
Reporter : Is that true, Captain?
Capt. Stottlemeyer : No comment.
[the reporters all clamor for a few moments until Stottlemeyer interrupts]
Capt. Stottlemeyer : All right. Hey, hey. Hang on. I have another statement, and here it is: The next reporter that asks me about this so-called Fraidy Cop is going to be banned from all press conferences for a year.
