- [Stottlemeyer and Disher reluctantly arrive at Sharona's house to arrest her]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I hate this.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Why don't you stay out here, sir? I can handle her.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Oh, you can? Since when?
- Adrian Monk: Sharona, he was just standing up for a friend.
- Sharona Fleming: Adrian, you stay out of this! You're not his father.
- Adrian Monk: That's true, but I care about him as much as any father.
- [rips off Benjy's Band-Aid for the umpteenth time]
- Benjy Fleming: OW! Mom! Stop it!
- [watching Sharona nuzzle Darwin]
- Lt. Randall Disher: So how long have you two been dating?
- Sharona Fleming: [to Darwin] He's just jealous because you're cuter than he is. And you smell better too.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Monk, can I run a theory by you?
- Adrian Monk: Sure.
- Lt. Randall Disher: What if Ian Blackburn trained the chimpanzee to shoot him in the panic room?
- Adrian Monk: Why would he do that?
- Lt. Randall Disher: So his wife could collect the insurance. Thus, suicide by monkey.
- Sharona Fleming: Thus, theory by monkey.
- Adrian Monk: Randy, Ian Blackburn had a $100,000 life insurance policy. Chloe is worth, what, $20 million? It doesn't seem worth it.
- Sharona Fleming: [opens the door to find Stottlemeyer and Disher waiting] Hey.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Sharona, we need to talk.
- Sharona Fleming: About what?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I think you know.
- [They walk into the house, which looks like an earthquake has hit it]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: What happened here? Did you have a party?
- Sharona Fleming: It's Benjy. He never picks anything up.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Sharona, where's Darwin?
- Sharona Fleming: What are you talking about?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: We're going to find him. Is he here?
- [Disher takes out his gun and begins searching the house]
- Sharona Fleming: Hey, would you put that away? This is my house!
- Lt. Randall Disher: He's killed before.
- Sharona Fleming: No he hasn't!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Sharona, we know that you took him. Now either you tell us where he is or I'm going to have to take you in. That is the law.
- Lt. Randall Disher: [walks back out of the living room, speaking into his walkie-talkie] Living room secure, heading to the kitchen.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy, you don't have to use the walkie-talkie. I'm ten feet away.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Roger that.
- [puts down the walkie-talkie and continues searching]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [notices some vomit on a wall, and a lot of crooked pictures] Hey, what happened here?
- Sharona Fleming: Benjy threw up.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [confused] On the wall?
- Sharona Fleming: It was pretty awful.
- Lt. Randall Disher: [heads into the kitchen, and opens the closet, which swings open to reveal a stuffed teddy bear] Monkey! Monkey! Monkey!
- [notices that it's just a stuffed animal]
- Lt. Randall Disher: False alarm! False alarm!
- [Sharona grabs the teddy bear from Randy]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Sharona, you were seen. The animal shelter has a surveillance camera. It recorded your car's license plate number as you drove away.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [to Darwin] You think you're pretty cute, are you?
- [Darwin puts his fingers in his ears]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Hey, get your fingers out of your ears, I'm talking to you. I'm talking to you.
- [Darwin does so, and starts acting up]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Are you laughing at me? I said are you laughing at me? I think you've got an attitude problem, my friend! Hey, hey, opposable thumbs! Whoop-de doo. Here, pick it up.
- [Darwin is handed the gun]
- Benjy Fleming: They were giving him a wedgie.
- Adrian Monk: What's a wedgie?
- Benjy Fleming: It's when they lift your underwear up all the way out of your pants.
- Adrian Monk: Oh. When I was kid they called it something else.
- Benjy Fleming: What?
- Adrian Monk: An "Adrian."
- Dr. Charles Kroger: [Dr. Kroger is making a house call because a chimp is loose in Monk's apartment] I can see your space has been violated, and I think you're handling it very well. I'm proud of you. How do you feel?
- Adrian Monk: [high-pitched voice] I'm fine... these things happen, what can you do?
- Dr. Charles Kroger: Exactly, exactly. These are all material objects. You can replace anything that he breaks, or chews, or pees on.
- Adrian Monk: Chews or pees on... chews or pees on...
- [Monk accidentally hits the "Close" button on the panic room]
- Adrian Monk: Oh my God! Help! Somebody!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Monk...
- Adrian Monk: Trapped in here...
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Monk, you're not trapped.
- Adrian Monk: Trapped in here! Captain!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Monk, just push this button here on the wall.
- Adrian Monk: Oh my God, it's soundproof... can you hear me?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Monk, I can hear you.
- Adrian Monk: Trapped in here!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Monk, I can hear you, I can *see* you, there's a hole in the door! Monk!
- Adrian Monk: Running out of air...
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No, you're not running out of air, Monk.
- Adrian Monk: Running out of air, I can't breathe!
- [gasping]
- Adrian Monk: Can't breathe!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Monk! Monk, look at me! Push the button.
- Adrian Monk: [rasping] No more talking... no more talking, I have to conserve oxygen...
- [bangs on the door, yelling through the hole in it]
- Adrian Monk: Help me! Gotta conserve air...
- Sharona Fleming: [being arrested] Benjy, you were right and I was wrong. You did the right thing, standing up for that boy. Now I'm standing up for someone who can't defend himself.
- Benjy Fleming: You mean Darwin?
- Sharona Fleming: Yeah. Listen, everything's gonna be fine. Captain Stottlemeyer's gonna take you Aunt Gail's...
- [Benjy glances at Stottlemeyer, who nods]
- Sharona Fleming: And you tell her to call Adrian. He'll know what to do... after I tell him.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: They call it a "panic room." I know that's a difficult concept for you, because for you, every room is a panic room.
- Adrian Monk: Thank you.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: If there's an intruder in the house, you run in there, you lock the door and wait for the cavalry.