- Davy: [the Monkees pretend to beat up Davy] Won't some innocent bystander please help me? How about you, sir?
- [points a finger at Turner, who screams and runs off]
- TV Interviewer: Doctor Turner, recently in our fair city, there have been many acts of violence commited right in the streets, in full view of people like yourself.
- Dr. Lionel B. Turner: Disgusting.
- TV Interviewer: They have just stood by and watch people be brutally attacked.
- Dr. Lionel B. Turner: Deplorable.
- TV Interviewer: What would, how do you feel about that?
- Dr. Lionel B. Turner: Disgusting! It's each man's solemn duty to protect his fellow citizens.
- TV Interviewer: And if you saw a fight, or a person being beaten, taking place right here...
- Dr. Lionel B. Turner: I would involve myself physically. I would come in feet and fists flying!
- Mike: Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. I regret to inform you that Norway has just declared war on Sweden and all Swedish nationals are to report to their embassy.
- Interviewer: Davy, what bag are you in?
- Davy: What what?
- Interviewer: What bag are you in?
- Davy: Bag? I don't get that?
- Interviewer: Well, let me ask you something, I mean like, do you make a folk sound or a rock sound or anything like that?
- Davy: I make a terrible sound.
- Interviewer: Mike, let me ask you a question, seriously now. Why do you do this kind of business?
- Mike: What's that?
- Interviewer: Play the music.
- Mike: Well I, I mean...
- Interviewer: How did you get to?
- Mike: Why do they call that a light, I don't know, that's just where it's at.
- Interviewer: Mike, let me ask you something. Do you think you can play another part?
- Mike: What part is that? What would you like me to be... strong and silent?
- Interviewer: Yeah, strong and silent.
- [Mike pulls a face]
- Interviewer: Hey, well, well, now be a girl.
- [Mike pulls the same face]
- Interviewer: Mike, they're the same thing.
- Mike: Well, that's your hang-up, man. I mean, I know where it's at.
- Interviewer: Were you ever a strong, silent girl before?
- Mike: Now if you ever ask that...