- Davy: What do the young people do in this town for excitement?
- Mary Friar: They move to the big city.
- Mike: Oh, and now we're gonna get a rash of small town jokes.
- Mary Friar: Oh, no, it's usually quite exciting. Last year we found a mole... in the lawn.
- Sir Twiggley Topper Middle Bottom: Very well, you won by a pun. But I'll get you in the next contest.
- Davy: Wait a minute, wait a minute, don't think you're fooling us guys, we know who you are, you're Jack Williams the property man on this show.
- Customs Man: Look, sweety, I may be Jack Williams the property man to you, but to twenty million teenagers, I'm the customs man.
- Davy: Oh.
- [steps away from Jack to face the camera]
- Davy: You know, he really is Jack Williams.
- Customs Man: Upon closing, folks I wanna thank aunt Pat for sending in those peach preserves. Just keep those letters and cards coming in...
- [singing]
- Customs Man: Everybody loves somebody sometime...
- Mr. Friar: Mary, eh, this is Davy, the new lord of the mannor, and his friends, Pisces, Aquarius and Capricorn.
- Mary Friar: Oh! A sister act
- Lance Kibbee, The Sot: [the crowd is booing Sir Twiggley Topper Middle Bottom] Booze! I'll drink to that!
- Mary Friar: Yes, and anything else that comes along!
- Mike: Oh! Hello there! Well, that wraps up another half-hour of hilarious situation comedy of The Fantastic Four: Daby, Peekel, Micky and Perkal, Mycontchek...
- [clears throat]
- Mike: us! And we'll be back next week with more riotous fun laughters and hilarious bits of antics and humor...
- Peter: Hey Mike, can I say something?
- Mike: [thinks about it for a moment] Yeah, ok, go ahead.
- Peter: I just wanted to give our viewers, and listeners who's been so nice to us, I wanted to give them our Christmas message which is all about peace and love
- Mike: Now wait a, hold it. You can- Man, come on, it's the middle of Februari, you can't give them a Chirstmas message now.
- Peter: Well, why not?
- Mike: Why not? Well because you just, you don't well uh, oh...
- [stumped for words]
- Mary Friar: Oh, don't condemn poor Lance. You musn't make fun of a drunkard.
- Mike: Sot.
- Mary Friar: Sot. It happened during the war you see, everybody was getting bombed then. He just never stopped, that's all.