- Kramm: Today we begin shooting my greatest film: 'I Married a Creature From Out of Town'. It's a message picture. And the message is: If we don't finish it in ten days, we're in trouble.
- Micky: [immitating W.C. Fields] Here we are in the land of make-believe. Look at that rock, it's a phony rock. Look at that fish, it's a phony fish. Look at that girl... Oh yeah!
- Frankie Catalina: I knew you resented me, but I never knew you'd go this far. Ruining the film and my beautiful million-dollar image!
- Kramm: Frankie, you're overwrought.
- Frankie Catalina: Oh, yeah? Well, I don't have to put up with it. I'm walking out of my contract! I can do a mystery at Mammoth studios.
- [walks off]
- Philo: Mammoth Studios has been out of business for years!
- Kramm: That must be the mystery.
- Mike: You know what I've always wanted to do was get a Rolls Royce, and put little bitty tires on the front, and big slicks on the back, and put a pickup bed in the the trunk, and all paint you know and stuff like that, and take the hood off of it an' everything, paint a name on the back of it...
- Interviewer: And drive where?
- Mike: Drive where? Drive no place, drive it out on the freeway and give it a flat tire and stand there scratching your head.