- Herman Munster: [admiring the Drag-u-la] Those organ pipes are a very nice exhaust.
- Grandpa: I'll have you know, Herman, that this is the only dragster in America that can play 'Oh, promise me' in second gear.
- Lily Munster: You know, Eddie, I used to be a great racing fan back in Transylvania. Oh, I had such gay times going to the wolf tracks and betting on our family.
- Herman Munster: [Eddie is running around the room pretending to be a race car driver and speaking in racetrack lingo] Lily, I wish you'd keep the front door closed, some strange boy just got in here and is speaking some foreign language.
- Marilyn Munster: I don't know why uncle Herman wants to get become mixed up in racing.
- Lily Munster: You know Herman, he always has to be a hero to his son.
- Marilyn Munster: But I didn't know he knew anything about automobiles. He's really full of surprises.
- Lily Munster: Full of surprises? You should have seen his X-rays after his last physical. They're some things in there that the doctor's couldn't figure out at all.
- Herman Munster: Well, aren't you gonna wish me luck, Grandpa?
- Grandpa: [Grandpa waves his hand a little] Drop dead!
- Sandy Baylor: That's Eddie and his dad!
- 'Leadfoot' Baylor: Oh. Well, from the looks of his dad's face, he's been in some very bad smash ups.
- Grandpa: [reading the paper] Hmm, listen to this! It says, in the next three game series, the Yankees will be out for blood. I tell ya that's a lot more fun than playing baseball!
- Lily Munster: Herman, this is the worst thing you've done since you bought us that mausoleum at the cemetery, and we couldn't move in because there were no kitchen privileges.
- Herman Munster: How did I know it was a restricted community and they wouldn't take live people?
- Marilyn Munster: Grandpa, aren't you going to help uncle Herman and Eddie fix the car?
- Grandpa: No, I'm not gonna help uncle Herman and Eddie fix the car, and if anybody asks me why I'm not going to help, I'll tell them why I'm not going to help.
- Lily Munster: Well, why aren't you going to help?
- Grandpa: I'm not going to help, because nobody asked me to help!
- Grandpa: [Looking at the Newspaper] Lily! Lily, look here! "Leadfoot Baylor Favored to Sweep Drags. "Why, Lily, that's Sandy Baylor's father. The fellow Herman's going to race today is a professional driver!
- Lily Munster: Oh! Oh dear. Well, when Herman finds that out, I hope he has the sense to call the whole thing off.
- Grandpa: Sense? Any grown man who still expects quarters from the tooth fairy ain't exactly an Einstein.
- Grandpa: Now, one of the first rule's in racing is never tip your hand. What you do is, you show up the day of races, get your rival to commit himself on the bet, then you unveil the winning car.
- Herman Munster: But is that good clean sportsmanship?
- Grandpa: Of course it is! As Sonny Liston said, it's not playing the game, it's winning that counts.