The Muppet Show (TV Series)

Connie Stevens (1977)

Richard Hunt: Scooter, Statler, Wayne

Quotes 

• [guest star Connie Stevens has just finished singing "Close to You"] 

  Waldorf : I'd like to get close to Connie Stevens. But I'm already close to something else.

  Statler : What's that?

  Waldorf : Ninety.

• Statler : [after Connie Stevens sings 'Teenager In Love']  How poignant, I remember being a teenager in love.

  Waldorf : Yeah, but Queen Victoria wouldn't have you.

• Statler : You think this show is educational?

  Waldorf : Yes, it will drive people to read books.

• Statler : I love it! I love it!

  Waldorf : Of course he loves it; he's the kind of guy who plants poison ivy.

• Scooter : [talking about Gonzo's teddy bear]  What do I think of the bear? Why, he's funny. No, no, really. Every time I look at him, he makes me wanna laugh and laugh and laugh. I think he's just great.

  The Great Gonzo : Well, I'm glad you like him. Kermit says it's a disgrace to have him around and we oughta get a new one.

  Scooter : Yeah, well, that'd be nice, too!

  Fozzie : [thinking they are talking about him]  The bear can barely bear it, folks.

• Fozzie : I've had it! Now that I know what people think of me here, I'm leaving the show.

  The Great Gonzo : Hi, Scooter.

  Scooter : Hi, Gonz.

  The Great Gonzo : Say, I'm curious. What do you think of him?

  [referring to his teddy bear] 

  Fozzie : [thinking they are talking about him]  Listen! They're taking about me. Well, I will not listen!

• Wayne : Kermit, this is an ultimatum. We sing tonight or else!

  Wanda : Kermit's not here, Wayne.

  Wayne : Hmm... Hiding from my wrath no doubt.

  Wanda : That's funny. He's not on stage either.

  Wayne : Wanda, no one is on stage.

  Wanda : You mean?

  Wayne : Yes! This is our chance. We must grasp it.

  Wanda : But this is supposed to be the place for the Connie Stevens spot?

  Wayne : Oh, we'll cut the Connie Stevens spot! Who needs the Connie Stevens spot? Who cares about the Connie Stevens spot?

  [Wayne sees Connie] 

  Wayne : ...I can't wait for the Connie Stevens spot!