- [a telephone is the Veterinarians Hospital patient]
- Rowlf: What's wrong with it?
- Miss Piggy: It's not working.
- Rowlf: Well, tell it to get a job so it can pay me.
- Janice: Maybe it's a PAY phone.
- Scooter: George Burns. George Burns. Twenty seconds to curtain, Mr. Burns.
- George Burns: I'm ready.
- [noticing Gonzo playing a violin behind him]
- George Burns: Excuse me, but... But what is *that*?
- The Great Gonzo: [playing violin] It's my new act. Gonzo fiddles while George Burns.
- George Burns: I like that joke. It's a pleasure to hear something that's older than I am.
- Fleet Scribbler: Say, is it true you're dropping a lot of stuff from the show this year?
- Kermit the Frog: Uh, no, no, not particularly.
- Fleet Scribbler: Aha. "Muppets Relying on Same Old Tired Junk."
- Kermit the Frog: Uh, wait, wait, wait. On the other hand, we have a lot of brand-new, innovative stuff.
- Fleet Scribbler: Oh, "Muppets Changing Format, Desperate to Sustain Show."
- Kermit the Frog: I never knew the press could be so depressing.
- Kermit the Frog: Say, how many of those cigars do you smoke?
- George Burns: About twenty a day. At my age, I have to hold on to something.
- Rowlf: Nurse Piggy, do you have the next line?
- Miss Piggy: [trying to control her laughter] Y-yes, but I can't say it...
- Rowlf: How come?
- Miss Piggy: THE LINE'S BUSY!