The Muppet Show (TV Series)

Zero Mostel (1977)

Jim Henson: Kermit the Frog, Rowlf, Dr. Teeth, Waldorf, Girl Dancer, Tennis Balls

Quotes 

• Kermit the Frog : It's time for our special guest to do something special.

• Statler : [as he and Waldorf watch the TV]  Let's switch channels, this show is dull.

  Waldorf : You bet.

  [they do so] 

  Statler : What is THAT?

  Waldorf : It looks like two ancient old guys sitting in a theater box watching television.

  Statler : That's crazy! No one would watch junk like that!

• Waldorf : You know, I'm really going to enjoy tonight!

  Statler : You plan to like this show?

  Waldorf : [pulling out a television set]  No, I plan to watch television!

• Waldorf : [as he and Statler watch something on a TV in their balcony seats]  What's the name of this movie?

  Statler : "Beach Blanket Frankenstein".

  Waldorf : Awful.

  Statler : Terrible film!

  Waldorf : Yeah, well, we could watch "The Muppet Show" instead.

  [they peek up over the TV and look out at the stage, then return to the TV, shaking their heads] 

  Statler : Wonderful.

  Waldorf : Terrific film!

• Sam the Eagle : I want to know who is going to be on tonight's show.

  Kermit the Frog : Oh, well, let's see. Uh... tonight's show is very classy, it's very highbrow. You'll like this show.

  Sam the Eagle : Oh. Good. Yes, yes. Tell me more.

  Kermit the Frog : Uh, well, let's see, we got, uh... Fozzie is doing a pantomime with Zero Mostel. We've got a musical number.

  Sam the Eagle : Good, good.

  Kermit the Frog : With Zoot and Rowlf. And of course we've got... Uh, we've got the lady... uh... the lady wrestlers.

  Sam the Eagle : What?

  Kermit the Frog : Uh, oh, nothing, Sam. It's just, uh, we got some lady... lady... lady... wrest... Uh, stand by for the pantomime number.

  Sam the Eagle : Lady what?

  Kermit the Frog : [nervously]  Uh... lady wrestlers.

  Sam the Eagle : Wrest what?

  Kermit the Frog : Lers.

  Sam the Eagle : Lady wrestlers? Lady wrestlers!

  Kermit the Frog : You don't understand...

  Sam the Eagle : Have we no shame? Ugh. Kermit, something, something must be done here.

• Kermit the Frog : Okay, ladies and gentlemen, Chopin's Polonaise in A Flat, as performed by... Dr. Teeth?

  Sam the Eagle : What.

• Sam the Eagle : I think you know why I am here.

  Kermit the Frog : Uh, actually, Sam, to tell you the truth, I've never known why you're here.

• Kermit the Frog : Good ol' Chopin. You can't beat the classics. You can only destroy 'em.