- The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. An international spy ring is trying to sneak ridiculous stories into the news. Fortunately, with the tight security in the Muppet Newsroom, it can't happen here.
- [picks up another paper]
- The Newsman: In other news, a black-and-yellow-striped mackerel was elected king this morning and...
- [stops and looks perplexed; Bruno runs up]
- The Newsman: Huh?
- Bruno: Yes?
- The Newsman: Where have you been?
- Bruno: Oh, I've been showing His Majesty around the newsroom.
- [a mackerel walks up, dressed in royalty; the Newsman sees him]
- The Newsman: Holy mackerel!
- Mackerel: No, Your Highness will do. Would you like to be knighted?
- The Newsman: Oh, well, of course.
- Mackerel: Okay. Good night!
- [the mackerel hits the Newsman on the head, knocking him out]
- Kermit: Thank you, thank you, thank you, and welcome again to The Muppet Show! And it's going to be a wonderful show tonight, because our special guest is James Bond, secret agent 007, known secretly to his millions of fans as movie star Roger Moore!
- Roger Moore: Kermit, is it always like this on the show?
- Kermit: Uh, well, how do you mean?
- Roger Moore: All this craziness.
- Kermit: Oh, well, this is a rather quiet show for us. No unforeseen disasters so far.
- [He is run over by the Vet's Hospital cast]
- Janice: Hurry up, guys!
- Rowlf the Dog: All right, all right, all right... I just hit the frog.
- Roger Moore: Unforeseen disasters?
- Kermit: Uh, uh, well, that's a disaster that we knew about all along.
- Rowlf the Dog: [as Dr. Bob treating a Viking pig] I know all about them - they come from Denmark. One of my ancestors was a Viking!
- Miss Piggy: Oh, this isn't going to be a Great Dane joke, is it?
- Rowlf the Dog: Well, it's a Dane joke, but I wouldn't call it great.
- Kermit: And as we explode gently into the West, we hope you got as big a bang out of tonight's show as we did.