My Family (TV Series)

Droit de Seigneur Ben (2000)

Zoë Wanamaker: Susan Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Susan : I have watched football with you! I have watched golf! I've been to dental conventions and sat through lectures entitled 'Gingivitis: The Forgotten Plague' and I have never complained! Do you know why?

  Ben : So? So you can throw it in my face at moments like these?

  Susan : Because love means sacrifice!

  Ben : Fine!

  [Plays two seconds of Don Giovanni] 

  Ben : Too big a sacrifice!

• Susan Harper : Ben. Ben. Ben! Are you sleeping?

  Ben : Mmh-hmm.

  Susan Harper : Are you planning on sleeping long?

  Ben : Mmh-hmm.

  Susan Harper : How much longer you planning on sleeping?

  Ben : [sits up]  What? What is it? What do you want to tell me, Susan?

  Susan Harper : OK. It's nothing. You're clearly in a state.

  Ben : Ah. What sort of state is that, exactly? Clearly not the state of sleep, clearly not the state of peace and tranquillity which I will obviously not attain until I'm in a state of death.

  Susan Harper : I'm not talking to you when you're in a mood.

  Ben : Thank you.

  [goes back to sleep] 

  Susan Harper : Even though that Whitten boy tried to assault our daughter.

  Ben : [sits bolt upright, looking furious]  What?

  Susan Harper : In the back of his father's jag.

  Susan Harper : She's fine though.

  Ben : That's what you think, is it? No, Susan this is droit de seigneur.

  Susan Harper : Excuse me?

  Ben : Droit de seigneur, as in Don Giovanni when the lord of the manor had the right to take the virginity of any maiden in the realm.

  Susan Harper : You've been listening to Don Giovanni.

  Ben : I... No, I haven't actually; I... it's common knowledge, isn't it.

  Susan Harper : No it isn't. Oh, you're so sweet.

  Ben : I'm not sweet, I'm a father, I'm incensed.

  Susan Harper : Ben, Ben, please don't make a scene.

  Ben : Oh, damned right I'll make a scene. A boy tries to assault my daughter, the little snot.

  Susan Harper : She feels she's already handled it.

  Ben : I don't care what she thinks she thinks. I'm her father; I know what she thinks.

• Susan Harper : You can't say or do anything, because if you do Janey'll know I told you.

  Ben : But you just did.

  Susan Harper : But you're not supposed to know.

  Ben : Then why did you tell me?

  Susan Harper : Because I couldn't sleep.

  Ben : Neither can I now.

  Susan Harper : But I feel a lot better.

• Susan : Come on, it's just us girls, so tell.

  Janey : Nothing to tell.

  Susan : All right, OK; I was just curious, you know. I'm here, you're here, no pressure. Whenever you want to talk.

  [Susan reads the newspaper] 

  Susan : Oh for God's sake. The only reason why I had a daughter was to have these intimate moments. Give me something.

  Janey : OK, well, what do you want to hear? That dinner was nice, the movie was OK; oh, and he was a great kisser until he wouldn't stop.

  Susan : Stop kissing?

  Janey : What do you think?

  Susan : Oh my God.

  Janey : Oh, please mum. It's not an 'oh my God'; it could have been but it wasn't.

  Susan : What did you do?

  Janey : Well, he didn't understand the word no, so I used international sign language - heel palm to the jaw! We learnt it in PE.

  Susan : Good Lord, all we learnt in PE was how to climb a rope.

  Janey : What, in case the Vikings attacked?

• Susan : Have you ever been disappointed when I've said trust me?

  Ben : Well, let's see. There's the truffles that turned out to be toadstools; there's the shortcut through the safari park, and there's the ever famous 'my parents won't be home for hours'.

  Susan : You *do* bear a grudge.

  Ben : I also bear scars.

• Susan Harper : I remember all the feelings I had when I was first going out. The thrill of the chase. What they kissed like. How I felt when I touched them...

  Janey : Mum!

  Nick : Oh, God!

  Michael Harper : I'm going to be in therapy for the rest of my life!

  Susan Harper : It's just sex, boys!

• Susan : The kids have already eaten, and I've whipped up your favourite meal.

  Ben : [looks terrified]  God, my favorite meal.

  Susan : Chinese takeaway.

  Ben : [praying]  Thank you.

• Susan : Who was that?

  Janey : He's ruining my life!

  Susan : Ah. Your father.

  Janey : Do you know what he did?

  Susan : Is this multiple choice or essay?

• Janey : This is dad we're talking about! Can you imagine the kind of loser he'd pick as a date?

  Susan : Me?

• Michael Harper : So, what's that?

  Susan : [Holding a vinyl record]  This is Don Giovanni, one of the greatest operas of all time.

  Michael Harper : No, that - with a hole in the middle.

  Susan : [pause]  I just felt myself age 50 years!

• Susan : Did you father say when he was coming home?

  Janey : Hopefully never.

  Susan : Don't be rude.

  Janey : Oh, so sorry, mum. Daddy didn't say when he was coming home - he was too busy mucking up my puking life!

  Susan : Much better!

  Janey : You know, you might not find this whole thing so sweet when I jump off Tower Bridge and my pathetic, lifeless body gets swept out to sea!

  Susan : Don't be so dramatic, dear. While the Thames is an estuary, your pathetically lifeless body will probably be swept only as far as Barking... which I believe lacks some of the romance you'd want!

• Susan : This weekend, the Baldwins have tickets to the opera.

  Ben : Oh, God, Susan, I hate the Baldwins! I don't like going out with the Baldwins!

  Susan : But we don't have to! They can't go and they've given us their tickets.

  Ben : See? That's why I hate the Baldwins!

• Susan : You haven't been to the opera in 20 years!

  Ben : Ah, well... perhaps that's a clue.

  Susan : But it's Don Giovanni, your favourite!

  Ben : My favourite? I've never heard Don Giovanni!

  Susan : Well, maybe if you did, it would be!

  Ben : Susan, I hate the opera. I can't stand it. It's always in Italian or... or even worse - German!

• Nick : [Holds a carton of milk]  Has this gone off? It's two days beyond the sell-by date.

  Susan : I don't know, dear. Smell it.

  Nick : But what if it smells bad? Then I'd get a bad smell in my nose.

  Susan : Life is such a veil of tears. Don't put it back! Do you think the rest of us want it if it's off?

  Nick : Well, should I throw it out?

  Susan : Not if it's still OK.

  Nick : You give such mixed signals, mother!